Sometimes you CAN choose your family

We have friends that are just like family. I am realizing it more and more as we go through the wedding preparations, even just the guest list.

Our immediate family is on there, then some folks that we have been asked by family to invite (extended family) - but we find it mostly populated with friends who we consider just like family.

Friends who know more about us than our family (with the exception of my little brother, we share far too much). People we have grown up with and who have been with us through good and bad - times when, perhaps, biological family would have bailed. People who have been like family when family hasn't.

It is a good mix, and a wonderful feeling to know that these people are out there and that they have been around for so long and mean so much.

200!!

200 days until thewedding!

I know it sounds like a long time but I am pretty sure that it will fly right by.

Final Weigh In

Oh I didn't win. I didn't even get third. But I didn't gain weight (down 5ish overall)

Maybe I can convince them to do it again now that I will be fully motivated in the new year to get into my wedding dress.

Happy Birthday Mom!!

Happy happy birthday to my mom (who doesn't know what a blog is and won't be reading this).

Don't know what I would ever do without you.

A very very...

Good luck Santa

Since a good hunk of my job is aviation safety related this makes me giggle. I'm a dork, but I'm ok with it.

Christmas Eve Eve

Woo hoo!

Beside being the best time of the year to be at work (no one is here, no meetings, very productive) they are letting us out early this year!

I have presents to wrap, dogs to wash, possibly some cookies to bake ...

All the wonderful things that make up the Christmas season.

Plus I'll be spending time with the manfolk and family.

Just. Awesome.

A Turtle Christmas

The manfolk sucks at keeping gifts until the day they are supposed to be given. Often it works out for me because he feels the need to go out and get another one to replace the one he couldn't wait to give so I have something for 'the day'.

Well... you know I love turtles, and you know I love Christmas. He managed to find a turtle Christmas t-shirt for me. I'm wearing it today because it just seemed fitting to get it to me before Christmas.

He's good.

Tis the Season

I love Christmas.

A lot.

It is my favorite time of the year. People are happier (unless you are in Walmart), it is fun to buy meaningful gifts for people, people generally are more giving (unless you are in Walmart), and the decorations make my heart happy.

Not really a religious person, but I think the holiday season is bigger than that. A little to commercial sometimes, but generally brings out the best in people (unless you are in Walmart or the mall parking lot).

Just when everything was rolling...

Picked a date for the wedding, put down a deposit, bought plane tickets, paid for dog surgery, about to sign on a slightly bigger place to live... lots of money out the door in the last few weeks.

So of course the manfolk got laid off this morning. Apparently their team was too efficient and got their project done, so the company is restructuring and no longer has a need for them. WTF? You did your job too well so now you are unemployed?

Plus they told him this morning and said his last day would be Friday. What company does that? Aren't you setting yourself off for a pissed of employee to sabotage you?

On another note, as much as my people make me crazy I am extremely lucky to have a stable job that I enjoy (except for the days where I want to strangle someone).

WE HAVE A DATE

July 17, 2011

Gettin' hitched.

WOO HOO!

The Money Pit

I used to make fun of people who spent thousands of dollars on their pets.

I no longer do.

I am now one of those people.

My poor Tankdog had bladder stones and we forked out whatever it took to make him better. Anything it took. In this case, more than half the wedding budget.

I love my dogs.

It was worth every penny.

Dogs are better than humans most of the time. This one is better than most.

I have figured out women

I should probably charge for this, but I have figured out women.

they need the following:

1. good sex
2. a good listener
3. help around the house
4. to be worshipped

Now, this worship doesn't have to be in the form of ancient greek idol worship with sacrifices and such, just little presents, verbal affirmation and your man telling the world that you are his trophy (even if you have been married for 18 years). I mentioned in February that if every day were valentines day people would get laid a lot more often. That is because Hallmark has set aside that day for a woman to be treated like a queen - and it works. Imagine if you did that for no reason once in a while or once a week.

I'm lucky my manfolk knows this stuff.

We have a lot of sex.

Movin' on up

I mentioned the other day that we had to find a place to live. It is actually the same apartment complex that we are currently in.

In July the manfolk moved into my tiny (just over 700 sq ft) one bedroom apartment with me. It has been good, we don't drive each other crazy yet, just need a little more space. Especially since it is two people over 6 foot tall and two dogs over 60 lbs each.

Since my lease is up in January and we want to save money to eventually buy something of our own we were looking to stay in the same price area and just go a little bit bigger. Now, I don't negotiate, but the manfolk does. He tried, they said no, I turned in my 60 day move out notice.

They promptly called a day later with a better deal than we had asked for on a place just two buildings away.

Apartment price jacking. I don't get it. Punish the people for staying until they call your bluff?? Good people who aren't trashy (like some of my neighbors) and actually pay their rent on time. I don't get it.

Oh well, it worked out in the end and we have a place that is finally our place to move into next month.

Wedding Flashback

We went to a wedding the other night. It was an old friend of the manfolk that he has seen twice in 5 years. We didn't know anyone there except their mutual ex-boss and his wife. Not a big deal.

Walked into this gaudy catholic church and flashbacks of my first wedding nearly sucked the breath out of me. The whole thing. I was struck absolutely by everything around, it was just too much like my first. I couldn't speak.

Let me tell you a little about my first... I basically just showed up. The ex (he is catholic) picked the church and my stepmonster (she knows we call her that and thinks it is great) picket the rest. I basically got a dress and showed up. I tried to pick some stuff, but I would be overruled by the stepmonster with the purse strings. So I gave up and went along. No biggy. It was beautiful, incredibly overdone and not really me at all, but beautiful and traditional.

It was amazing to me that the other day, just weeks from getting engaged to a wonderful manfolk that I desperately want to marry, I could be so disillusioned just by walking into a situation like my old one.

I am not terribly good with words and I am at a loss at the moment to explain the impact just walking in had on me. The absolute desire to run away.



Oh and the bride's parents obviously spent a HUGE amount of money on this fancy Dallas social-ite wedding and she pretty much threw it completely off track with a sparkly dress that had her tits hanging out of it. If we had stayed long at the reception I would have taken bets on which song would have made her bounce out of her dress.

One more to go...

Second to last weigh in and I was down the three pounds that I gained on the cruise. Which is shocking considering during this timeframe we had thanksgiving and the manfolk introduced me to fried spam and waffles for breakfast.

Yum.

And no, I am not cheating on bacon.

Slacker

I'm a slacker. Since being back from the cruise it seems that things have been going non-stop -- planning a wedding, finding a place to live (lease is up in January), holidays -- it's been crazy. I have had no shortage of things to say, just shortage of time in which to do it.

Today at work I actually had a day (the boss is out of town) where I got through all of my email, assigned projects and actually got things organized. Now if I can just stay on track through the end of the year that would be perfect. Doubtful because the boss will be back in the office on Monday, but a girl can dream.

A Thanksgiving Miracle

I found a dress.

Don't have a place or a date, but I have a dress.

The reason that is was a miracle is that my mom and I never agree on clothing (except for hooded sweatshirts) and yet the 5th dress I tried on we both knew was the one I should get.

Hell didn't even have to freeze over.

Now on to the rest of the wedding details...

My Team

My Rangers made it all of the way to the World Series.

Since we were floating and couldn't be there we had the second best seats. On the deck of a cruise ship with a bucket of beer watching on the ginormous HD flat screen mounted above the pool.

It was fantastic. I wish they had won but am thrilled that they made it as far as they did.

Oh and my sweet future MIL (mother in law) saved all of the sports pages for me so I could read them when I got back. I'm marrying into good family.

Weighing in again

oh and the Monday I got back from cruisin I had to weigh in.

Yeesh.

Up three pounds.

Better than the 16 I was feeling like it would be after all of that warm chocolate melting cake.

Well....

We are back.

We had a blast.

We are ENGAGED. WOW

So much to write about, so little time. Work and laundry have piled up and it is (sadly) taking the priority to blogging.

Already ready for the next cruise...

AAARRRRRGGGGHHH!!!

The anticipation is killing me. Last day of work. Two days of getting ready and then off to the boat.

Even the appearance of Tropical Storm Richard hasn't managed to bring me down. Looks like we will be chasing him through the Caribbean.

Less than a week...

This time next week I'll be on a boat.

I can barely stand myself.

Compounded by the fact that an employee actually screamed at me today after I told her that my expectation was that she wouldn't walk out of anymore meetings when things didn't go her way. Apparently that makes me a terrible boss. Who knew?

Weighing in again

Drum roll please.... as of this morning's weigh in I'm down 6 lbs overall. WOO HOO! Better than up!

17 Days!!!

*sigh*



That is actually a picture from a friend's recent adventure to Cabo. She went for nearly two weeks and came back completely relaxed and happy. I think I'll have to put that place on the list of places to go. I have been to La Paz (which is close, less touristy) but never Cabo.

Pet Peeve #10

I used to not think anything of handicapped parking spaces, just didn't park there because I didn't want the ticket.

Then I was lucky to become friends with someone who is stuck in a wheelchair. After numerous adventures with her I have seen the challenges that she has doing stuff that I take for granted each day and the difference that having that space and the ramp readily accessable can make.

So now I want to slash the tires of people that I see using these spaces that don't actually need them. I'm not generally violent, but makes me nuts. You are able bodied, get your ass out there and be thankful every day that you are even able to walk. I'm not sorry for you if you have to walk the 100 extra yards to the front door - at least you can.

Oh and it kills me at work when it is raining and the handicapped spots are the first victims. You aren't going to melt.

If I was ordering the list of peeves this would probably be #1.

My extreme dislike for this behavior really doesn't help my opinion of the person on my Team who is currently abusing a temporary handicapped placard. She uses that space religiously, and when I go on a rant about people abusing handicapped spaces she nods along and says she wishes she didn't have to. But her apparent chronic pain doesn't stop her from walking 300 extra yards on the mornings she is late so that she can sneak in the back entrance to the building, as to reach her office and not have to pass in front of my door.

Another Weigh In Update

Down 2-ish (the official weighing person isn't here today so I am not exactly sure).

Good. Overall down almost 5 which is better than up.

HOT DAMN!!!

The manfolk got a job. WOO HOO!! So exited for him, he was getting pretty deflated about not being able to find anything.

Plus it is at the HDQ of my favorite store on the planet. Completely possible we could owe them money on his payday.

Starts Monday!! I know he hates going back to the corporate world, but it really is good for us right now. So excited and extremely proud.

Anatomy of a cruise

I mentioned previously our room assignment for the cruise... well I have had a moment to go ahead and lay out some of the best things on the boat and the route to them (follow the purple line).



And yes I had a little time on my hands earlier.

Naked and disconnected

The ringer button fell off of my iPhone yesterday and the manfolk is sweet enough to go in and get it swapped out (thank you AppleCare plan) at the store for me today.

Heaven help me I feel naked without my phone.

Weird.

I didn't even get a cell phone until 2004. It astounds me how I got along without it before.

Room assignment

Got the cruise room assignment. Soooooo excited. We got such a good deal on it I had figured that we would be riding as cargo but we are on the pool level for some unknown reason. AWESOME. Level 9. Lido Deck (really you need to cruise Carnival at least once just to hear the lady's voice on the elevator who says that).

Awesome.

Now I am even more excited.

The Manfolk wants to start packing but unfortunately in our less than 800 square feet we really don't have any extra space to lay out our stuff. So we just have to scheme about it.

Derailed

So.. I didn't get to go to Canada because my Team has decided in the last week to strive for a level of drama and incompetence I didn't think they had in them. It is rediculous.

Most of the issue stems from one particular person and I had to resist the urge to key her car this morning in the parking lot as I was walking by the handicapped parking space that she is constantly parked in and doesn't need (this may become Pet Peeve #10 in a later post).

The good thing about not going to the Frozen North is I get to be home with the manfolk. Its weird. I used to love to travel for work just to get away for a couple of days, now I'd rather be home on the patio with him.

Blame Canada

They are sending me to Canada this week for work.

My friend who lives up their said bring a 'light jacket' because it gets down to around 45 degrees at night. LIGHT JACKET??? I'm from Texas, I'll be whippin out my winter's finest.

"But I can't live without you"

"There will never be another"
"I'll love you forever"

Whatever.

Look back at all of the heart breaking bullshit when I am walking out the door and tell you you are wrong. Beg, plead tell me the best things I always wanted to hear and you never said until it was too late.

Then a few months later you will figure out YES I am extremely replaceable. Your life goes on, you 'can't live without' someone else and you were always just full of shit.

Kinda makes you want to scan and email the letters/cards/notes/etc. that he sent to you telling you these things just so he realizes just how full of it he is.

Its the final countdown...

30 DAYS !!!

I can't freakin' wait.

Pet Peeve #9

There is no reason to end every email, facebook statement, etc with lol.

You aren't always lol. If you are you might be mentally ill.

Here are some Facebook examples from one friend from the last few days:

'Guess I will clean house before Katy and her boss get here...Really don't feel like it, lol'

'Balancing my check book... :( Probably going to get a bigger headache! lol'

'I need to go fishing soon! I was around Cross lake today and saw so many people fishing, and I just wanted to go so bad. "NEED MAN WITH BOAT" LOL'


Um... Really?

Top Ten Songs

At the moment in no particular order:

Reba McIntyre -- Consider Me Gone
Cross Canadian Ragweed -- Alabama
Kenny Chesney -- The Life
Zac Brown Band -- Jolene
Jimmy Buffett -- A Pirate Looks at Forty
Eve 6 -- Anytime
Kenny Chesney and Mac MacAnally -- Down the Road
Sara Evans -- Three Chords and the Truth
Charlie Robison -- My Hometown
Sugarland -- Already Gone

Although I am generally torn when it comes to choosing between songs when it comes to Zac Brown Band and Jimmy Buffett.

Competition Update

Gained 1.

Doh.

I deserve it. We went to a local festival Sunday morning because we had free tickets and passes to have a funnel cake and a corndog for breakfast. The guy three offices down that is pretty much starving himself to death deserves the win for the week much more than I do.

Family Time

Love my family. They have become a bigger part of my life in the last year and a half and I don't know what I would do without them.

But we have really had a lot of my brothers and my dad lately. Moving my dad and stepmonster's stuff, drama from the middlebro, volunteering for one of my dad's charities, etc. The manfolk has been extremely patient. I think I need a break from the boys in my family.

Twinkle toes

Our 50 minute dance class lasted an hour and a half and was a stumbling success. A few crushed toes (mine) and some laughs (both) we have officially learned the foxtrot. Kinda.

The whole reason this came about is that the manfolk and I were watching True Lies (drunk) and he decided that we should be able to tango like them.

And a 1...2...3

Tonight we begin dance lessons. Can't lie - I'm a bit nervous.

Font

Can't help but think that the font you use on your email says something about you.

When a guy sends me an email in a girly font I just can't take him seriously. If you are a dude writing in Comic Sans PLEASE STOP... unless you don't care if your email looks like a 16 year old girl wrote it.

And there should be a sarcasm font. That I agree with. Italics almost do it but not quite, you really need to know someone before you start getting sarcastic in email or it can all go shithouse on you.

ALL CAPS IS RESERVED FOR WHEN YOU NEED TO PUT EMPHASIS ON SOMETHING OR IF YOU FEEL LIKE YELLING. It took me two months of harassment to convince my father otherwise when he first started using email.

Whoever created Wingdings should be shot, and no it isn't funny to translate your stuff into wingdings and send it so the person has to decode it. I don't have time for that crap.

And if anyone finds a use for the Vivaldi script (besides torturing someone trying to read your stuff) please let me know.

Yearly planning

Had to plan out the rest of my vacation time for the year so I have figured out that I just won't work Friday's for the rest of the year (minus two where I am already scheduled for meetings and stuff that I can't miss).

That makes me happy.



Google image search for 'happy' pulls up some weird crap.

Fat sack of awkward

So, my parents have been divorced for 12 years or so and my mom has an incredibly strong (and completely justified) hatred of my dad (more stories for later).

Last night the manfolk and I pick mom up from the airport and she offers to take us to dinner. We head over to the local Outback and are joking with the bartender that the coast was clear because my dad* doesn't ever come in there anymore.

Side note: He used to pretty much live on a barstool there, even had his name on it, until one day he got wasted and made a scene and the proprietor told him not to bother coming in anymore (pretty sure he was selectively paying his bar tabs at that time as well). Since then the proprietor has changed and he shows up occasionally, but has pretty much moved to a new hangount.

Back to last night, half way through our meal guess who wanders by the table - stepmonster. She doesn't see my mom at first and makes pleasantries about stopping back by after running to the restroom. Guess it set in while she was in the ladies room because she didn't pause on her way back. So we sat the rest of the night at our table with dad and his wife at the bar facing directly at us. The bartender even put up some homemade caution tape around our booth to keep 'unwanted persons' out (she really earned her tip from my mom).

It was a big bag of awkward. Everyone stayed apart and we waved to dad on the way out. Didn't stop us from having a good meal and conversation though.

Dad was kind enough to call me this afternoon to remind me how awkward it was. Thanks Old Man.

Ugh. Mom and dad have seen each other maybe six times since they got divorced (my wedding was half of those and the other half have been in the last 8 months - twice at Outback).

*the fact that he is my father remains to be proven. I asked my mom for years for Christmas if she would just tell me who my real father was, because he is such an a-hole so often and does the most off the wall things - I figure there is no way I am related to him. She stands by it, but I dunno.

Weigh In Update

For the competition first official weigh in... down 3.2 lbs.

Not great but not an increase. Started going back to the gym and we've been walking the dogs a lot with the new puppy around - I feel better when I do that.

Haven't made any huge changes in eating habits, just little ones. With the sheer quantity of beer I drank this holiday weekend I should have undone everything so hopefully things will stay in the steady downward trend.

The News

I don't watch the news.

The news is generally depressing. So and so beat their spouse. Someone ran over their kid. Someone went on a shooting spree. A cop got run over trying to help an old lady fix her tire. It just goes on and on. It is like a hour long lesson in how miserable people are.

I just don't watch it. Never have (even when I had TV before and now that I do have TV again). The ex used to watch it every morning (turns out he is fixin' to marry the person who was his favorite local morning news anchor while we were together - but that is a completely different story) and I just never could tolerate it. Who wants to wake up to the misery of it.

Capturing and displaying the misery of humanity destroying humanity. With the occasional 'feel good' piece in there (which usually starts by talking about someone's misery).

I have better things to do with my time.

Countdown continues

50 Days until the cruise. Hurricanes be damned we are going and going to have an awesome time.

Now if I could only lose 50lbs by then?

Top 5 Bars

Our adventure to Florida last weekend has prompted me to make a list of the top 5 bars in my life (subject to change at any time). All for different reasons here they are in no particular order:

1. The Ocean Deck, Daytona Beach, FL - boat drinks, beach access, rustic feel, just all around awesome (see picture below - this is where we spent all of our time last week)


2. Strokers, Dallas, TX - biker bar, cheap drinks, good people, excellent people watching, less than 1/2 mile from work

3. The Green Parrot Key West, FL - "A sunny place for shady people", many good memories of an excellent trip. There was also a Pirate Bar in Fort Lauderdale and a Margaritaville

4. Toadies, Bedford, TX - good local hang out, cheap drinks, good people work there and everyone is welcome there

5. West End Pub, Dallas, TX - excellent prices, excellent bartenders, good service, the manfolk introduced me to this place as a pre-hockey game beverage spot

Dinner Conclusion

Dinner wasn't bad. I have always enjoyed the two of them (duh, or I wouldn't have been so close to them for so many years). Hate to see the guardedness (don't know if it will ever go away or if eventually they will just drift to one of us or the other), and it was only moderately awkward when my ex's wedding invitation was on the fridge and I read it without realizing what it was (doh).

Divided dinner

Having dinner tonight with a couple that is big with the divided loyalty issue. Friend of mine since the 6th grade married a guy who became the ex's best friend. Their way to cope is to not say anything about one of us (me and the ex) to the other and just pretend like that part of their life doesn't exist when the other is around. It has to be rediculously stressful. I have made it clear to every one of my friends that it isn't nessicary to hide stuff and I would rather hear about their life than the guarded version -- but to each their own.

Anyway, having dinner with them tonight and kinda nervous about it because the situation puts me on guard.

Shouldn't be that way with friends. Especially ones you used to do everything with and could be yourself with the most. i just don't have tolerance for it anymore.

Maybe something just has to change. Natural attrition of friends? I dunno.

Holy shit

It is September.

Where has the year gone?

Dancing Queen

I can admit that there are things that I absolutely am no good at. Dancing is one of those things.

I usually have to be a good six pack in before I will get anywhere near a dance floor to do anything but slow dance (that part is easy, learned that in Junior High and the moves haven't changed).

But the manfolk has always had a desire to learn to ballroom dance (mostly because of True Lies he wants to be able to Tango) so we are signed up. Sure to be an adventure, and I am sure it will come in handy when we are on the cruise and whatnot.

No pictures allowed.

I don't think he knows what he is getting into.

Beach Fix

Got some beach fix. Dennis, the manfolk and I drove (yes drove) my favorite intern from North Texas back to school in Daytona Beach this weekend and rewarded ourselves with a few days on the beach. Originally supposed to fly back yesterday afternoon and was just so happy where we were we decided to stay the night and fly back at the crack of dawn this morning.

The only bad part is the day is dragging. Got back to Texas at 955 and was in meetings by 1020. Such. A. Long. Day.

Turtle burgers

Bacon! Beef! Cheese! Bacon! Turtles!! Some of my favorite things!

The manfolk sent me this and it makes me want to go buy a grill just to try to make them. Sweet sweet lovin.

Dear Clorox

Dear Clorox,

Why do I care if the toliet bowl cleaner kills the flu virus?

Thank you very much,
Confused Consumer that doesn't drink out of the toilet bowl

Aaaaaahhhhhhh

Middle of the night lovins are awesome.

60 DAYS!!!

60 Days until Cruise Time



More than a little bit excited.

Diet Clarification

Oh and just because the cruise falls in the middle of this competition doesn't mean I will be holding back on the bacon or soft serve while on board. Not doing my due bacon diligence would just be disgraceful.

Bring it

I love me some competition.

This one is weight involved. We are having a bastardized "Biggest Loser" competition at work. Whomever can lose the largest percent of their body weight in 18 weeks. Top three places pay out and the first place person is looking to get near $700.

Competition will hopefully motivate me. Plus we are now 62 days (thank you iPhone) away from the cruise adventure and I could use a few (dozen) less pounds to carry around.

I'll try to remember to update my loss percentage on here so you guys can cheer me on.

Questions

Just because they ask if you have any questions doesn't mean you have to have one. You don't need to make up a question to ask in front of everyone. Because you know what? Most of the time you are going to come off like you don't know what you are doing. And you probably don't. Or you just weren't paying attention. Or you are an idiot. Or all of the above.

"Hey Crayola"

If you like Star Wars at all and you have a sense of humor you will appreciate this video. For some reason it is one of those that will make me smile no matter how craptacular the day is.

Monday Again

I love my job but I am a little burned out. I see it in myself and need to do something about it before it starts affecting my people.

I haven't used much vacation this year (too much going on developing the new team, etc.) so I have managed to work it out where starting October 18th I won't work a single 5 day work week. With the flexible scheduling (I have every other Friday off) and the holidays I was able to plan time off and then still have some days left over to kill.

Was thinking of taking two days off this week and going to the beach, but that doesn't help with the money saving policy we are trying to institute in the household. Honestly I would be happy just being at home and maybe seeing a movie and sitting by the pool.

My favorite part of the day

Bedtime.

And not for the spanky/NSFD reasons either (though that is fun too - but we are really more of the middle of the day, middle of the night, morning sex people). Bedtime is different...

Usually we get to bed around 11 or so and end up spending hours talking about whatever. It can be absolutely nothing conversation and cuddling but it brings us closer and makes my heart happy. He makes me laugh and listens to all of the little crap that goes through my head and I hear about his day. He tells me stories from his childhood - he is an excellent story teller. Tells me stories about his family and we discuss all of the little parts of life that seem to slip by when the computer is glowing, the tv is on and we are moving around.

It is worth it for the lack of sleep just to have that time, and when I don't have it I miss it.

Weekday Exhaustion

In my old life Sunday evening through Thursday evening we never went out. That time was for working out and eating healthy stuff at the house. Occasionally we would have dinner with a family member, but going out on the weekdays was just not in the cards.

Now it seems like I am busy all of the time and I kick myself for not doing more all of those years.

Hope I haven't written this rant before.

This week for example, dinner with friends, a Rangers game, a Fort Worth Cats game - and that is just Tuesday - Thursday. I love the change in my life (even if I hit the snooze button a little too often lately and 1am seems to be the normal bedtime). By the time the weekend rolls around I am tired, but socially satisfied.

Had an interesting conversation the other day in a meeting with an aquainteance from another department:

Him "You haven't updated your facebook in a couple days"
Me "Stalker" (smile)
Him "No really. I have kids and a mortgage, I live vicariously through you. You always seem to be doing something fun or going somewhere different. I don't have that so I live through yours"
Me "Stalker" (smile)
Other Guy in the Room "Yeah you are kind of an admitted stalker, but in a good way"

But honestly it got me thinking about the things I do. I am kind of flattered.

I know I should eat better and work out more - but it honestly doesn't take a seconds hesitation for me to choose between a Rangers game or going to work out. Little pieces of life I was never living are more enticing to me than 30 minutes on the treadmill.

Seems to me a choice between living life and watching it drift by.

Let me be clear...

I mentioned in the good old bucket list that I wanted to be on the kiss cam.

I apparently need to be more specific... I want to be on the kiss cam when I have someone with me to kiss.

Blood

Mom's big concern after I got the tattoo was me not being able to give blood. Turns out that since I went to a place in Texas that was licensed the blood bank doesn't care. Woo hoo. The day after I was eligible to give (a year from our return from Belize) they were calling and got me set up. Mom and I went last weekend (I got the trainee, so it was more of a painful process than normal). Mom is happy and can't really find anything else negative to say about getting a tattoo.

Ha. So there.

NSFD

Had a few questions about what is NSFD.

NSFD = Not Safe For Dennis

Dennis is one of my closest friends the first person I told about this blog (besides the manfolk). I warned him that the content may not be suitable for his innocent eyes and all he asked was that in tweets and posts I give him fair warning. So you have the NSFD hash-tag and blog label to protect the 'innocent'.

Even as I type 'innocent' in relation to Dennis I am about to fall out of my chair laughing.

Pet Peeve #8

Crocs in public.

I don't care if they are comfortable. They look stupid on EVERYONE.

I can understand using them for small children - easy to put on, easy to clean - but even that is a stretch.

I love this guy's article and the imbedded rant.

They are the absolute opposite of sexy. Why don't people see that?



My father has a blue pair he tried to convince me were the most comfortable things out there - then in the same sit down he explained that he and his wife never seem to have sex anymore. He did not appreciate when I drew the correlation between the hideous rubber-like shoes and his dry spell.

The manfolk has some. He never wears them. He gets laid a lot.

Come to think of it, he is going on a trip without me soon and I think I will recommend that he take those along as his only footwear.

Divided Loyalty

How can you be completely trusting and open with someone who shares loyalty between you and your ex? I don't think it is possible. Just like last week when I needed someone to talk to and couldn't find anyone on 'my' side.

Last night I got a surprise. What surprised me is how much it is bothering me.

Went to dinner with a friend of mine who is a former co-worker married to my previous boss. At the start of the meal she says, "Don't know if you want to hear this but your ex and his woman are coming over tomorrow night". And then the dinner went on.

It bugs me more than I thought it would. When we were together the ex and I tried to share every part of our lives and our friends, so our lives were intertwined for a decade. You can see how that is hard to sort out.

The part that gets me I guess is after all of the spiteful things he said about so many of our friends that he considered 'my people' (this couple included) he is now keeping specific touch with them even though when we were together he would bitch about spending time with them and ask me to make excuses not to. He especially disliked anyone associated with my work (these two included) and my family (who was never good enough).

But I can't really say that to them now can I.

The manfolk thinks I should draw a line in the sand and tell people to chose. It is human nature to pick a side and much easier on the psyche. Would be better than having guarded 'friendships' with people I am supposed to be able to talk to. I can't bring myself to do that, it isn't fair and I am of the opinion that people should choose on their own. And part of me is probably chickenshit to find out that no one would pick me.

How are you able to be completely open with someone who is also loyal to the person that hurt you most in life?

The half friendships are wearing me out. You shouldn't have to always be on guard and careful about what you say.

The person I was out with last night I had thought was a neutral party and had opened up more than I generally do. As soon as she told me about her plan I shut down, not her fault - but it is a trust issue with me. I don't trust a lot of people and divided loyalty is an immediate red flag for me.

Countdown

According to the official countdown on my phone I have 81 days until the cruise.

I am already freakin' excited. We booked a scuba dive in Grand Cayman so I can finally test my newly established diving certification in blue water.

Seems like forever away.

Pet Peeve #7

(I have more of these peeves than I thought.)

Grown women who call their father "daddy"

Really see it more in women from the south (or from money) and it just sounds stupid and childish.

How forever feels

Been talking a lot of long term stuff with the manfolk. Getting excited. Marriage, babies, things that didn't used to interest me.

Scares me.

Catch myself trying to push him away even still. Like I am testing him before we make the actual move.

Unfortunately for him I have this need to be completely honest, don't want things going the way they did in my last long term relationship. At times I think I may be too blunt for my own good (and for the good of us).

Guess I do have more chick in me than I care to admit. Now if I can just curb it so he doesn't run off.

Trust

It takes a lot to earn my trust and not much to lose it.

And if I have a hint of proof I have a tendency to hang on to it and worry about it and don't really know how to get over it.

Or even if I should.

Been hurt before. When I was young (high school ish) I swore I was never getting married or having kids. EVER. To difficult and too open and it was just safer not to.

There was a period of time (years) where I didn't talk to my dad because he cheated on my mom and broke up our family. I would only speak when necessary and usually that involved money to pay for college (or bills that went unpaid). It took years for our relationship to become decent again and I will still probably never forgive him for that.

Accountability often seems lost - people use the excuse of alcohol, sadness, whatever to justify the things that they do to hurt others. I just can't stand by that. Everyone makes bad decisions or decisions they regret, live up to them, move on and don't make excuses.

Men seem to blame their penises for a lot of stuff too (usually coupled with alcohol) which I think is the biggest load of crap ever.

The 'Other Side'

Ever get the feeling that all of your friends have chosen the 'other side'?

Needed someone to talk to... the manfolk was at work, my usual two confidants were out with an ex who won't be in the same room with me because I 'crushed his heart', my longest term girlfriends are friends with the exhusband so it feels like everything said these days is guarded and measured, a lot of my newer friends that I have gotten close to are really the manfolk's friends that I am getting to know (their loyalties are firmly aligned - he could have sex with a bunch of midget clown hookers and they would protect him to the death to make sure I never found out), just really didn't know where I could go where people didn't have loyalties on the 'other side' of my relationships (or former relationships) and it was kind of sucky and a little scary.

I always have my brother but by time he wasn't busy moving his woman's furniture into storage I didn't want to talk to anyone but the dog.

Thank god for the dog.

Ever have one of those days

Where you just want to disappear?

Tell everyone to fuck off and disappear and be left alone and start a new life?

I'm there and I have a headache to match that feels like midgets are having a war in my skull with full artillery.

Just. Whatever

Cross it off

#5 on the Bucket List - Done and done. I am officially a scuba diver!

So excited. Now to practice in blue water. Making plans a dive or two when we are on the cruise.

87 days away

Floating

We floated the river this weekend. Fun fun fun. Sore and bruised but fun!



Realized as I was trucking along down the river how many more adventures I have had in my recent life. In my old life everything was too expensive, too out of the way, etc. It was partially my fault for not fighting for it. Now, while I have built up a little bit of credit card debt, I do a lot more and have crossed a lot more off of my bucket list than I had in my entire previous life.

Ugh

I have felt like crap for the last three days and just can't seem to shake it. I don't get sick ofter, yes I am accident prone and a bit of a klutz which generates regular soreness and bruising, but I have always had a stomach like a billy goat and rarely don't feel well.

Yeash.

I have got to get better - I gots things to do!

Pet Peeve #6

Small paperclips.

Don't know why but they just piss me off.

Deep thoughts

Ever wonder who would show up to your funeral?

Don't know why but that has been on my mind this afternoon.

Wish I could make sure that people I didn't like don't show. A couple of them just like the attention given to them because they 'knew' the deceased. That crap makes me nuts.

I don't really want a funeral. I want to have every spare body part donated. Cremate me. Then just have a giant party and talk about happy times.

I mean a GIANT party

Taking the leap

Well, I finally bit the bullet and got tv. It was pretty much a condition of the manfolk moving in.

Hasn't changed much for us, still don't really watch too much.

Helps that he brought a big screen TV with him when he moved in. Much better than my 28" eight year old walmart special.

One exciting thing

One exciting thing about crusin' is bacon. All you can eat bacon.

I heart bacon.

Bacon makes everything better (I have a shirt that says so).



24 hour soft serve is awesome too.

I am excited.

Facebook ghosts of the past

So... what do you do about the ex-husband's family and friends who have become 'his' on Facebook? Some of them I like very much, but others I don't really think I'll ever have anything to do with. I do know that the information that goes up on FB gets back to him from some of the stuff that he has said/found out about - and I don't really care. He has staunchly resisted technology - texting (until he started dating, then all of a sudden it wasn't as terrible as he always said), myspace, Facebook, etc. - so he isn't on there (yet) and I know I won't be talking to these folks any time soon so I am not sure whether or not to leave it alone.

Meh. Just something I was thinking about when it was telling me to reconnect with the sister in law I never quite liked because she didn't seem to care about anyone but herself.

It has been decided...

Got tired of fighting the beach bug.

Found a cruise that goes to the Caribbean in October and gave it to the manfolk for his birthday last week. I am so freaking excited that I can barely wait (and yes it is a present for me as well).



Scuba certification weekend one is complete and I didn't drown (and neither did my dive buddy). Just makes me that much more excited. Now to focus on passing class and going to the gym and saving some cash for the what is sure to be expensive bar bill.

The Manfolk

Such a dork. Even now. Still love him.

Happy Birthday to the Manfolk!!

Cheers to a happy birthday and boat drinks all around!

Happy Fourth!

It is a day of fireworks, BBQ and RED WHITE AND BLUE! Also a day to remember those who have served and are still serving our country and protecting our freedom.

Have a happy and safe Fourth of July!!

I tried

I tried the lake too. It just doesn't work. Beach withdrawal in full force.

That's it. I'm finding a vacation this week.

Good birthday present for the manfolk.

Beach withdrawal

Saw this as a friend's Facebook status today and couldn't help but feel for her: "Person I'm Not Going To Name is so deep into beach withdrawal I hug my TV every time the Corona commercial comes"

I am suffering from beach withdrawal. We have been trying to supplement it with pool time but it is just not quite doing it for me. We had a laundry incident so the man is currently looking to replace his passport. I am doing my part by frantically searching for all inclusive beach deals online that we can take advantage of once the new one arrives and my scuba certification is complete.

The Bucket List

The ever growing Bucket List. I have checked off some this year and that feels AWESOME.

Here they are in no particular order:
1. Get a new tattoo. (Technically crossed this one off in March. Now I want another)
2. Go skydiving
3. Learn to speak passable Spanish (this one keeps starting and stalling)
4. Learn to drive a motorcycle (I've ridden but never driven)
5. Get scuba certified (Starting this process today - that's how this whole 'blog the list' idea came up)
6. Go to French Polynesia/Bora Bora
7. Be on the Kiss Cam at a major league sporting event
8. Walk (and/or have sex on) a black sand beach


Confession - I keep a running list stored in my phone. Just in case something comes up that I need to add immediately or I get that bored and need something to do.

Odd Memories

Yesterday I would have been married nine years. Weird.

I'll preface it with ... I have done more for my self and am infinitely happier since I got out. Anyone who really knows me can attest to that fact.

But it is still weird to think about. It wasn't all bad, there are a lot of happy memories and a few adventures there. Family and relationships built that are no longer part of my life because of my decision to leave. But I am better for it now.

I don't regret leaving at all.

As a sidenote - I even kick myself sometimes for not doing it sooner.

I ask my mom sometimes why she waited so long to leave my dad. Even I could tell she was unhappy and I was a kid. They split when I was 17. She always says that she stayed for us kids. I don't have that excuse and it still took me a good amount of time to get out. It was difficult and probably the worst thing I have been through in my life - and I just can't imagine how much more difficult it would have been with kids.

I have begun a new life and found happiness with myself (and surprisingly to me another person) that I never had or imagined.

Happy to look forward, but everyone has those moments where the odd memories creep up.

Ever have one of those days...

where you are so busy you forget to pee?

Seriously. Sometimes I look at the clock and go "Holy crap. I've been staring at this stupid monitor for 4 hours and haven't moved and I think my bladder may explode"

Not good.

Why I don't have cable...

... the cable companies.

I applied online for cable and internet this weekend because the manfolk is moving in and it has been determined that it is a relationship life or death requirement.

Verizon called today. My cell phone. Three times. And left me messages to contact them about what building number that I live in.

So I call. Make it through the maze of impossible electronic menus and am advised I will sit on hold for 6 minutes waiting for someone to respond. 7:14 later a lady answers and I give her the basic information.

"We don't have record of you"
"But you called me at this number and told me to call you"
"Are you sure it was this phone number?"
"Yes, it is the only one I have"
"Hmmm. Did you give us a different phone number?"
(deep breath) "Like I said, this is the only phone number I have"
"Well we don't have you in the system. Let me transfer you."

Shit.

Two transfers. Give the same basic information twice.

"Hmmmm we don't seem to have record of you"
"That's what the last two people said"
"Did you get to the part where you put your phone number in?"
"Your people called me this afternoon and I am returning their call"
"I know, but did you get to the part online where you put your phone number in?"
(really deep breath and a pause) "Yes. I assume that is how your person knew to contact me"
"Well, we don't have you in the system. Why don't you give me your social security number and we will rerun your application?"
"Will that show on my credit"
"Of course"
"Um. No. I already did all of this and someone contacted me based on that information and told me to contact you. You can not rerun my credit. If you can't find the file I'll go somewhere else"
"Ok. Well then you should try back later"
"I give up. You guys are making it really difficult to be a customer."

What a waste of my time. AND THESE PEOPLE WANT MY MONEY. So very frustrating.

I used to be on the telephone in customer service. I know how it works. But OH MY GOD I am not an idiot like the people on the other end of the line.

Holy shit.

Also

Moving still sucks.

Especially in this heat.

Happy Sperm Donors Day!

Kidding. Kinda. Some dads are better than others and those that do it well deserve to be appreciated every day. Happy Father's Day to the deserving and those lucky enough to have brought life into this world and take the time to raise them right.

Moving

Moving sucks.

I'm excited because the manfolk is moving in with me. Spent yesterday doing a massive clean-out of my apartment - closets and donations galore. I love getting rid of stuff. Downsizing makes me happy. It is 100 degrees out and I made the mistake of living on the second floor. Yeesh. Spending today moving his stuff (he has a lot of stuff and likes to keep stuff).

Excited and nervous. Going to live out the rest of my lease (6 months ish) in about 850 square feet together. I am thinking if we don't kill each other it is probably meant to be.

Pet Peeve #5

Leaders that won't make a decision.

And have meetings to talk about the decision that they aren't going to make.

I have a feeling that I have career limited myself because I am willing to make decisions and have come to a point where I sit in these meetings and won't leave until SOMETHING is done or decided. And if they won't let me make the decision, I will point out that there has been no resolution/plan for future action even though we have been there for an hour discussing it.

Even worse when they do that and then the issue just dies. No one follows up. So incredibly irritating.

You are a leader. There is a reason. Grow some balls (even little bitty ones) and use that to make a decision. Even a bad decision is better than no decision at all when you are dealing with non life-altering initiatives.

Phone Test

Just for fun. In a room full of people with smart phones (this doesn't work with people like my mom who use their phone as just an actual phone) pull yours out for no reason and look at the screen. I have run a test and it is pretty much guaranteed that 85% or more of the people in the room will reach for their phone -- they will either look at it or just reach to see it if is on their person. Especially true with men. All around very entertaining if you are looking for it.

Let's discuss change

I have found that I enjoy the hell out of some change. Funny considering my life was so predictable for so many years and the current manfolk dreads change.

Love it. It invigorates me. Fun to start on a new adventure. So much out there that I have found that you miss out on if you don't shake things up every once in a while. Life can be great -- but even better when you add some twists and turns. Even the change that is forced upon you -- it may be difficult to get through, but in the end some change usually does a body good.

Profundity

Certainly not all posts need to be heartfelt and profound. It is the first day back to work after a sun and beer soaked long holiday weekend that I wish wouldn't have ended and I have no desire to do anything productive.

Speaking of the Manfolk

I've been bragging on him a lot this month. Hmmm. Interesting when I read back. Fun to have someone that makes me happy (except for when he is making me crazy). We've been hanging out nearly a year now and time has flown by. Some days he is still a stranger, it is interesting how things have developed. Very much my best friend and the person I love to have beside me on my adventures.

Who would have guessed when I met him nearly eight years ago this is how things would have turned out?

Absence of TV in my life

I went on a weekend with the girls a couple of weeks ago (part of the reason for my slacking on the blog this month) and realized that I had absolutely nothing to contribute to multiple conversations because I don't watch TV.

I more than don't watch TV. I don't have cable, so since the conversion I can't even use the rabbit ears on my 27" piece of junk TV to attempt it if I wanted.

Don't get me wrong - I have my blockbuster online subscription so the manfolk and I watch plenty of movies and catch up on TV shows that we like when they are on DVD. Currently we are working on Dexter, soon to be Big Bang Theory. He and his roommate have cable so we have access to the Stars/Rangers/SportsCenter as needed (along with the DVR filled with NCIS or Law and Order for a rainy day). But I just don't watch live TV.

We are generally doing something on the weeknights or would rather tuck in with a movie that we have been wanting to see. But even doing that is very low on our priority scale. Given the chance to do something social we will almost always choose that over sitting in front of the boob tube. I don't have anything against it (unless it is running someone's life because there are better things to put your time into out there) - I just don't work like that.

I hear people every day who's lives revolve around the tv schedule for that night. More than once I have heard the phrase "I don't watch that because I don't have room for another Wednesday night show." It is a different world to me. I've never missed it, but it was interesting on our trip when the conversation would go to American Idol or Dancing with the Stars and I had absolutely nothing to contribute - and didn't desire to have that bond either. Just quietly listened and was glad (once again) for my life the way it is and a manfolk that understands me.

The theme for May

Seems to be music. Never realized how much it flows through my life... but it does every day. Not only with games I play or my song each morning. Two Jimmy Buffett concerts in a matter of days and I'm still listening to a live CD in the car on my way to and from work.

Love it when a song just speaks to you. Even if there is just a line or two. Jimmy happens to have done some of my favorites. One song I was lukewarm on at first that has really grown on me (don't rat me out, but it took looking up the lyrics for me to grow) -- Southern Cross(lyrics below). If you haven't heard it I recommend giving it a listen.

SOUTHERN CROSS

Got out of town on a boat for the Southern Islands
Sailing to reach before a following sea
She was makin' for the Trades on the outside
And the downhill run to Papeete

Off the wind on this heading lie the Marquesas
We got eighty feet of waterline, nicely making way
In a noisy bar in Avalon I tried to call you
But on a midnight watch I realized why twice you ran away

Think about how many times I have fallen
Spirits are using me, larger voices callin'
What heaven brought you and me cannot be forgotten
I have been around the world looking for that woman girl

Who knows love can endure
And you know it will
And you know it will

When you see the Southern Cross for the first time
You understand now why you came this way
'Cause the truth you might be runnin' from is so small
But it's as big as the promise, the promise of a coming day

So I'm sailing for tomorrow, my dreams are a dyin'
And my love is an anchor tied to you, tied with a silver chain
I have my ship and all her flags are a flyin'
She is all I have left and music is her name

Think about how many times I have fallen
Spirits are using me, larger voices callin'
What heaven brought you and me cannot be forgotten
I have been around the world lookin' for that woman girl

Who knows love can endure
And you know it will
And you know it will

So we cheated and we lied and we tested
And we never failed to fail, it was the easiest thing to do
You will survive being bested, somebody fine will come along
Make me forget about loving you and the Southern Cross

Following an obsession

Was lucky enough last week to get to see Jimmy Buffett in concert twice. Took a half day Thursday and headed to Houston with the manfolk becase some parrothead friends of his had bought tickets and demanded our presence. It was in the Woodlands -- excellent concert, great venue and fantastic people. Friday we came back home to briefly recover and then Saturday morning we went out to Frisco with friends and the Lone Star Parrot Head Club to see him again at Pizza Hut Park. Greatest tailgate ever.

Too much fun, too bad it is only once a year.

Always loved Buffett. Lucky to find a manfolk that loves him just as much (quite probably more). Hoping one day for that laid back beach lifestyle for the two of us.

Here is to sunsets, good friends, boat drinks and holding hands with toes in the sand.

If you like yourself some rock...

I recommend listening or watching DJ Shumpy Monday and Wednesday nights from 6-10pm Central on the www.spindatmusic.com ROCK station. Email him at shumpy@spindatmusic.com and he'll play anything for you (as long as he's got it).

If you are really nice to him he may flash the camera for you (just promise him goldshlager).

As far as his off air personality there is some good reading and rants on his blog.

Road Trip Game

I have always been fond of roadtrips. When I first married the now-ex we had no money so if we wanted to vacation we usually drove to visit family. Love me some road trippin. Did it a lot as kids and have very fond memories (except for when the littlest brother would feel the need to stop and pee at ever exit during the last stretch of each trip).

As an adult I've developed a raod trip game. Works if you are stuck in traffic too and best if you have control of the music (iPod, CDs or whatever).

I mentioned on my last post that I wake up with a song in my head every morning. Well it turns out that just about every song I hear is also associated with a particular memory. I've polled people and it turns out often that it is the same with them.

So, when you are sitting in the car with someone that you want to know more about - flip on the iPod and take turns listening to a variety of different music and telling each other about the associated memory. You can learn a lot about people, usually have some laughs and it kills time. Note: Don't act like a prying jerk, it is mean for casual fun.

I like it as a tool to learn -- even people who don't like to fall into the category of 'difficult to get to know' usually like some type of music and will participate.

Music works on people like that.

Every morning

I wake up with a song in my head. Sometimes a song I don't even like. Sometimes something I haven't heard in years. A variety of types and genres. Every morning -with out fail. Perhaps I will start tweeting them in the mornings so I can go back and see if there is a trend in the songs/music that correlates with how my day goes.

Pet Peeve #4

Ties up with the first one. I think maybe it is that I just hate traffic. Especially on a Friday.

Just because it is raining doesn't mean you have to drive like a jackass. It is just a little water from the sky - I can understand if maybe it was pouring buckets, but a little drizzle does not force you to ride your breaks and go 10 miles under the speed limit.

Ugh. People should be tested for this when they get their license.

Southern Cookin'

I love food.

I am a yankee who transplanted to Texas about 20 years ago and was informed by the manfolk that apparently I still haven't really ever had proper southern cooking... until recently.

Good gracious - he is a Texas boy from a southern family and his mom knows how to COOK.

A few of my favorites so far:
Chicken'n'biscuits - yummy
Apple Dumplins - holy crap one of the best things on the planet
Blackberry cobbler - wow (though I hear it is a finiky dish to make because of the berries - they have to be just right)
Turkey and dressing - why did it take me this long to find it?

One of the best parts is watching the manfolk cook these secret family recipies and reliving the childhood stories as he works. I love listening to the memories and stories of him growing up and a lot of time some of the best stories are triggered as he bakes/mixes/cooks.

The other favorite of mine has become listening to his mom talk about the recipe as she dishes it up to a family that (in my opinion) has been thoroughly spoiled having this wonderful food all of their lives.

Not to say I was deprived growing up - not at all - I grew up in a family of east coast yankees and the food is just different. This southern cooking is a whole new (happy) world for me.

DJ Shumpy

Don't usually do shout outs on here but here you have it... this guy is worth it.

Just starting out on their ROCK station, Mondays and Wednesdays 6-10pm.

www.SpinDatMusic.com

He has awesome taste and is great at taking requests.

Link to his blog www.shumpy.com/says

Good stuff and tell them you heard it here!

Marrying your Ex

So, you get an email from your ex that says "If neither one of us are married in 3 years/by the time I'm 40/by 2015/whatever then let's get married"

A little background on this ex:

He/she
1. broke your heart. Left you and it was "me not you" and you were at a loss. Absolutely devastated you. You thought they were the one. Told you that you are a great person and a great friend, but it just wasn't what they wanted.
2. may or may not have kids (probably does)
3. knows that you want to settle down and eventually be married with a family.


These pacts are generally positive if between two friends who have never been romantically entangled. If there is history it is generally ugly.

In the case of the Ex you should of course say NO because:

He/she
1. has gotten out into the world realized that you were a good person and would do anything for them - and now that they are getting older they realize that their options are no longer once what they were as far as finding a mate.
2. getting older and don't want to die alone (who does?)
3. (if #2 is true) realize that you truly loved and cared for their kids and provided for all of them emotionally and physically and they took it for granted
4. is manipulating you. Using #3 and keeping you hanging on for that "Just in case" situation. Yeah you are in a good relationship right now, but why move forward with that when the person that you have always loved (and would still do anything for) has opened the door and given you a chance. (I've seen this one happen -- it gets to the drop dead date and the Ex is dating someone and either 1. pushes back the date telling you that this relationship isn't too serious, but you want to see where it is going to do 2. tells you they were kidding). Women are the worst offenders when it comes to manipulation, and often they will pick on the softhearted man that will forever love them.

In all likelihood, if you said YES anyway (especially the males).

Most people won't listen to a word I write, but I feel better having posted my warning.

Happy Mother's Day!!!

The mom's in my life are awesome - especially mine!

I am amazed by what I have seen recently as my friends have become moms and how it changes and molds them. I am profoundly respectful of those who have chosen to be moms and love the people who do it right!

Men - spoil the mom's in your life. We all know that you are a momma's boy deep down and even though you may be grown up, you should always show your appreciation the women who have made the sacrifice to become a mom(and yes it is a sacrifice) in your life.

I don't get it

It is pretty standard procedure that when you fall for someone and they say that they feel the same way - you open up and expect the same. Apparently I am wrong.

Things keep coming up - stuff I consider to be kinda' a big deal (and are occasionally on caliber to make it on to Montel) - and all I get is an "I'm sorry" and an "I'm working on it". It = being able to share.

What he doesn't get is all of the little things pile up. All of the little lies that are caught (even when he doesn't think they are) and omissions of truth for no reason make everything else (even innocent stuff) suspicious. It can be crushing. I trust him when he says he will never screw around physically -- but emotionally I don't know.

Love him, love being with him, everything is really great and he makes me incredibly happy. And then crap like this pops up - it is like he is living two different lives. I have given him no reason not to trust me and have been extremely up front with my life and what I want. I opened up in hopes that he will do the same. I am not asking to get into "The Vault" (as he calls it) and not asking for a minute by minute play by play - just want to know about the events that built him and the ones that are going to come and bite us in the future.

Guess I am more frustrated than anything - don't understand why he won't open up. I understand that other people have hurt him, but I am not those other people. Hell, he still talks and hangs out with most of those other people that he says hurt him so badly. Intensely frustrated.

This weekend provided an interesting reality check and put me on guard, but it doesn't phase him. It is hard to trust someone who doesn't trust you enough to share - but talks about building a life with you.

There are always red flags, previously they were little. It is starting to be worrisome. How many red flags are too many? When is it time to run in the name of self preservation?

Pet Peeve #3

This may actually be tied for the #1 pet peeve.

Being late.

I am the get there early person and always have been, that is how I was raised.

People who are late for something we have preplanned with absolutely no reason for being late other than they didn't feel like getting off the couch five minutes earlier so that you weren't sitting there wasting time waiting on them.

Drives me crazy. Shows complete lack of respect for other people's time and whatever it is you are meeting to do. Now I understand emergencies or if the meeting before ran over or whatever - but I absolutely can't stand it for no reason.

Even worse when it is a habit -- and worse than that when they know they are late and show no sense of urgency about it.

AAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHHHH

Random hygiene

For the love of everything holy why would you use deodorant you found in a public bathroom?

There has been a misfit deodorant container sitting in the woman's room for at least three weeks. As I was washing my hands just now I watched someone come in, check herself out in the mirror, sniff her pits, pick up the deodorant, sniff the deodorant, put it on and then stuff the container in her pocket.

um what? She sniffed it so it obviously wasn't hers. How many other people have used that since it has been sitting there? And why would they do that?

She didn't wash her hands either so I guess there is a low expectation of personal hygiene there.

icky icky icky

"May the 4th be with you"

Yes... my manfolk is that big of a Star Wars nerd. Don't get me wrong, I love the movies -- but he LOVES the movies and everything associated with them.

So I borrowed this lovely helmet for grins to make him smile.




Much to the chagrin of the person who lent it to me it is sure to warrant a HNT submission.

'Round the world (or at least the country)

For the funeral we made a grand adventure to the north.

We flew. A lot. Can't complain when it is free, but wow.

Wednesday consisted of Dallas to Kansas City to Chicago to Buffalo. Saturday's return was Buffalo to Baltimore to St. Louis (apparently we have an attraction to Missouri) and finally to Dallas.




Have to confess the little bro and I did have a $50 bar bill between Baltimore and Dallas on the way home... but who is to blame us. It was an emotionally exhausting week and we were on airplanes for six hours.

Happy Birthday to me

I think that you should get your birthday off and get paid double time for it -- or at least you should get that one day to be able to drink beer in your office during work hours. Just sitting in your office waving your bottle to those poor suckers walking by actually being productive. Mostly because right now I am doing that, just without the beer.

Passing of a great man

I mentioned funeral leave in my last post like people know what is going on in my life.

Saturday afternoon my grandfather passed away. Honestly, he has been ready to move on since his wife died suddenly in October 2004. He was my last grandparent and 95 years old. The last few years have been kind of rough for him, near the end it has been difficult to see.

My mom is an amazing woman who has visited him every day (or made sure one of us kids did when she absolutely couldn't) since he came to Texas two years ago and went in to the nursing home. She is taking it harder than I (or I think she) thought she would. She has dedicated a lot of her life to him these last few years and that has got to leave a hole in your heart, even knowing that he is better off.

The family is headed to farm town upstate New York to lay him to rest next to his wife at the end of the week. I have thousands of happy memories of this self made man -- farmer, Realtor, father, land lord, grandfather. Every grandchild should be so lucky. He was an amazing man.

Cheers to a life well lived.

Brilliant!

After the whole Facebook shenanigan of mine yesterday (yes I am still irritated by the whole thing) a good friend of mine mentioned that you should have two Facebooks. One to keep up with 'the people' and one solely for people who are actually friends understand and don't judge and will let you rant without ratting you out.

I, for one, think that he is brilliant.

Leave

I never take time off of work. I was raised that you have a job and you are supposed to do it. Be there come hell or high water. I sit here and state over and over that I need a vacation but I just got my attendance calendar and i have had -- surgery, jury duty, a holiday and this week I will add funeral leave to the list -- all in the last month.

Makes me feel like a slacker. Especially when I have a new boss that I really need to like me.

But I still want a vacation.

Again, makes no sense.

I was right

Like I said. I came in to work yesterday and got more done in two hours than I normally do in three days at work. No distractions except the cleaning people.

Excellent.

But sad.

Free speech?

So, late last week I posted a mini (and not untrue or unjustified) rant on my Facebook status about our payroll department being unresponsive and hanging up on me multiple times (they f-ed up and my paycheck was $304.90). This morning I get chastised and told to take it down by my VP because someone from the Team forwarded it to Payroll and the manager called him because their feelings were hurt. WTF? Really? You guys screw me up and then have bad customer service to top it off and I get in trouble for venting it on Facebook.

What a load of crap.

And I know they have no recourse, but I don't want to piss my VP off. So down it came.

Grrrrr

And I used to wonder the value of being anonymous in blogs and social media.

Oh and it took them four days to get me the rest of the money.

Surrender

I have almost given up hope of ever getting anything done at work. Mostly I go to meetings, get more work, and referee people. I manage to get little items done, but I don't know of a time when I have been in my office for more than 45 minutes without someone walking in needing something (or providing me with stuff to do).

My office often resembles a train station. We have an open door policy and rarely can I get away with closing up for a little while to get caught up. I get more done at home.

So I am guessing that my day off tomorrow will consist of getting all of the stuff done that I have given up on completing during normal business hours at my desk.

I can probably do my work in a fraction of the time without the distraction of the workplace.

Confirmed

People are stupid.

Especially boys. Boys have more drama than girls and then try to be macho about it which makes the whole thing worse.

If I didn't like sex so much I would go be a hermit on an island.

Thoughts in the dark

Why is it that everything can seem good in life during the day, but when it is 3:36 am and you are staring at the ceiling everything can seem so bleak. Stuff that you don't worry about during the day (but maybe should?) pops up and becomes huge.

I've gotten to the point some nights where I am ready to pack up and get out just thinking about all of the hurdles that there are in my relationship. All the job/family/health worries seem to compound themselves at night. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't smother him. I would leave a nicely worded note and try not to steal all of his comfy boxers, but it is just sometimes overwhelming.

When we are spending time together, hell, when he stops snoring and rolls over to cuddle in the morning, all those worries are gone.

And it isn't like I am worrying about much that he doesn't know about or we haven't talked about. There are some things he just doesn't talk about until he feels like it - if ever. But they all just seem bigger at night.

Especially the unknown stuff, questions I don't really get an answer to or when I can tell he's holding back on something. Makes my little nighttime brain worry that there is something out there that may eventually come back to bite us (me).

Maybe it is just me.

Again, life is good - but there is something about the night.

Damn goals...

Goals came back and apparently I don't have enough. *sigh*

Back to (half of) the drawing board.

Baby talk

Ok. I guess I am one of the few people who talk to babies like humans. Not saying the conversation always makes sense (neither do some of the conversations that I have with adults), but my voice doesn't go up four octaves and I don't make stupid noises.

What brought this on you ask? Someone brought their baby up to work just now and parked outside of my office. The resident useless co-worker rushed over and began making high pitched nonsense noises for 13 minutes straight (yes I timed it).

The urge to throw my stapler was nearly uncontrollable.

Top Ten Movies

In no particular order...

Shawshank Redemption
Euro Trip
Forgetting Sarah Marshall
True Lies
Pirates of the Caribbean (all three movies count as one)
Die Hard (all except Die Hard with a Vengeance, just not my favorite)
Shrek (mostly the first two)
Tommy Boy
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
X-Men (series, including the Wolverine prequel)

and because of the manfolk Caddyshack continues to move up on the list.

And to anyone who may want to argue -- the series count as one because together they tell a complete story. So there.

My civic duty

Jury Duty

You would think with all of the advances in modern technology that they would have figured a way to streamline the whole jury duty process. I have noticed differences over the years (they scan a barcode instead of writing everything down, etc.) but it is still quite slow. And they do this all over the nation.

Required time to be there 0830. Didn't start anything until 0900, when we watched a video about the Facts and Fiction of serving on a jury. More rules and then they finally start assigning people at 0930ish. By 1015 I am the fourth to last name called and they tell me I am a reserve and I have to come back at 1330 (a 3 hour plus break after doing nothing). Luckily it is in Fort Worth and the manfolk wasn't busy so he was able to come down and meet me for lunch (UNO's Pizza - yum). At 1330 they make an announcement and tell you they don't need you yet and to sit. I played some Words With Friends until my phone died (stupid crappy iPhone battery) and then just gave up and took a nap. Around 1500 they had us switch chairs and wait some more. Then decided they didn't need us and gave me my $6 check and sent me on my way by 1600.

Colossal waste of time.

The only plus was some REALLY good people watching (and an awesome lunch date).

And not a single person checked my ID. I could have sent a bum in for me for less than I paid in parking.

Don't get me wrong, I have the utmost respect for our legal system. I have testified in federal court and seen the best of the system at work (story for later) but seriously. There were at least 40 of us who did jack shit today and it would seem that that type of waste could be engineered out of the process.