Some recommended political reading...

From one ant to another...

The Ant and the Grasshopper: Updated

I'm not generally political (in life or on blog) but I am one of those people who work for a living and hate the sense of entitlement that surrounds me each day.

Happy 65th Mom!!

And tonight... we shall bowl.

The birthday girl has requested that we bowl in her honor -- sure why not! We've rented some lanes, the middle brother is getting a cake, it should be fun.

Happy 65th birthday to a wonderful mother (and soon to be grandmother)!!

Happy happy!

When I was little...

This used to be the longest day of the year. I remember running with my brothers trying to wear ourselves out so we'd want to go to sleep earlier, listening with them after lights out to see if we could hear Santa, watching the I Love Lucy marathon on regular TV (no cable back then) just to make the time pass faster. Happy memories from a great childhood.

In college that changed when my folks split and Christmas Eve became Christmas With Dad - so we now essentially get two Christmases. Very cool for a Christmas buff like me, and in years past the one at dad's could provide fodder for a very dysfunctional Christmas movie (think Griswold but drunker and with more random people around).

Still haven't lost my pre-Christmas excitement. Love the feeling, love the season.

Longest. Week. Ever.

Have I mentioned that I am no good at waiting?

Holy crap.

Christmas plus still waiting to hear on the house - we are supposed to close next Wednesday but we are waiting on the seller to make some final repairs.

Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.

Are we there yet?

Is it Christmas yet??

This has been the longest week on record. I think the company should have taken time off so everyone could mentally prepare themselves for the excitement.

Walkin' or Walken?

He got a name...

Everyone's favorite fertility god has a name now... Walter.

And he works like a charm!

So, there I was walking the dogs...

And I had, what I feel, is an insightful thought about butt holes.

As we walk the dogs they find a spot and poop and pinch it off and move on. Quick. Not so dirty (unless you are the one following behind with a bag on your hand to scoop up the steaming product of their efforts)

Humans, however, have developed a protective wrapping (butt cheeks) for their anus that really just tends to inhibit the process and really doesn't seem nearly as hygienic as the system the dogs are working. They are comfortable for sitting on (mostly) but really they aren't very utilitarian.

I wonder if anyone has studied this at length.

November Resolution Update

In an effort to see if this white girl could possibly have any rythym what so ever I took two dance classes. Hip Hop Booty Pop (confirming I'm lily white but given me a new found knowledge of exercises for my 'booty) and Zumba (fun, but again, I don't dance).

Little brother moved in with us - got married - moved out. Added a new dimension of happy craziness for the bulk of November.

Nothing super thrilling, but extraordinarily busy.

Don't worry...

BatShitCrazy is back on Facebook. Entertaining the world with her white trash baby daddy dramatic excellence.

She had some family drama the week of Thanksgiving and couldn't help herself.

Mom thinks we are mean for following her and talking about it and reveling in the craziness - We just tell her, if you are putting your drama out there for people to see, you have to expect it.

Who is the authority here?

So as the holidays roll around and Christmas music permeates the air (LOVE) something bugs me. One particular song is thrown into the Christmas mix each year and I disagree with the fact that it is a Christmas song. Someone please explain?

My Favorite Things - as sung by Julie Andrews in Sound of Music (love that movie, have it on VHS)

Just because it mentions sleigh bells (which were most likely common in Austria at the time during the entire winter) doesn't make it a Christmas song. A winter song - yes. Christmas - notsomuch

Who decided it fits? I'd really like to debate this with them.

Advice

I have some good friends who lately have been in kind of a funk. 'Nothing' is going right, everything is terrible and someone is always out to get them. It can be exhausting to listen to. I love them, but one can only listen to so much misery. I do my darnedest (usually when I'm tiring of hearing all of the negative stuff) to remind them they have a job (if you don't like it then find something else), a wife (if you don't like it than find someone else), a roof over their head, their health (not dying of some disease? everything you have is fixable? that's what I'm saying), healthy kids, etc. Somehow they don't want to hear about the good.

The good should be what you live for and I fear some people are missing that.

Reality checks in the form of other people's anguish are a sad way to remind yourself of how lucky you are. Just enjoy your life each day - how hard is that?

Gobble Gobble

We fully plan on eating our way through the weekend.

Nooooooooooo.....

My favorite bit of daily entertainment, BatShitCrazy, has quit Facebook. She has said it before and only been gone hours or, at the most, two days. We are going on a week and a half and I am going through withdrawals.

Perhaps I need to start a "Bring Back BatShitCrazy" campaign

Daily News

Got to work to the news that the ex is pregnant (well, his wife is) with twins. I know they really wanted it (they rushed their wedding for it and they had to go through fertility treatments to get there) so I guess I should be excited for him, but I'm really just *blah* about the whole thing. I can't decide if I should care more than I do.

The only thing that strikes me (and I think it is really out of spite for the whole annulment because I didn't want to have kids with him thing) is that it would have been a little self satisfying to get knocked up first. I know, it's petty, but - it is what it is. Other than that - Am I heartless for not really caring?

It all boils down to... I really made a good decision when I changed my life.

Oh and... the annulment still isn't final.

The Big Day

My littlest brother is getting married right now to a WONDERFUL girl.

CONGRATS!! You finally found someone (even though it was the last thing you were looking for) that has made you whole. I would normally say that that is incredibly cheese-ball, but in your case it is true.

I snapped this shot during my new Sister-in-Law's bridal portraits a few weeks ago and haven't been able to share until now.

If you couldn't tell I'm super excited.

Craziness

The littlest brother is getting married Saturday.

Crazy. It is like we are all grown up or something.

Home on the range

Well, the apartment complex wanted to pricejack our rent $200 a month so we've decided to buy a house. I'm excited, but nervous. I know how much work one can be and I'm hesitant to be house poor - but it is really needed and will be a lot of fun (once we find it).

I have friends who love looking for houses. I hate it. Just want one to pop up and be perfect and sign the papers.

A snippit...

I've admitted before that I don't watch the news, that doesn't mean that there isn't the occasional gem.

A friend sent this to me this weekend. After the earthquake in Oklahoma they must have been interviewing the finest folks in the biggest trailer park in Oklahoma.

The Gods

So my brother and his fiance moved in this weekend. Their lease is up and the new one doesn't start until the first week of December.

They are staying with us for a couple weeks, getting married and going on their honeymoon, then will be back to pack up and move on.

It's been an interesting change. Four adults, two big dogs (mine) and a brand new puppy (theirs). So far so good - consistent housebreaking of the puppy seems to be the only rough spot so far.

Anyway, the reason I'm giving you the back story -- my brother knows that we are trying to make a baby, so he promptly placed his fertility statue (see picture) in our room. He has a little shield that you put over his junk when you don't want to be fertile, as you can see the shield has been removed. We shall see what happens, it is supposed to be foolproof.

I think he needs a name.

October Resolution Update

Well... once again a whole lot of crazy with little new to show.

We participated in a lot of charity events - first time with the Alzheimer's Association and the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society for the softball tournament.

Aaaaaannnnnnddddd...

I can't really think of much else. I suck.

Pet Peeve #12

How is it that so many times you walk into the WOMEN'S restroom and someone has peed on the seat. Are you kidding me? I can kind of see it in a guys restroom, there is a fundamental element of aim in the process. But for women - REALLY? If you choose to hover, learn the skill. And if you do screw up for some reason - wipe up after yourself. It's not that difficult.

Elements of a good morning...

Good mornings start with:

1. Lovin
2. Putting on jeans for work
3. First Starbucks Red Cup of the season (purchased with a gift card so there is no $$ out of my pocket).

Today has been a good morning.

Top Five Christmas Movies

Top 5 in order of peak enjoyment...

Chevy Chase's Christmas Vacation
Muppet Christmas Carol
Miracle on 34th Street
How the Grinch Stole Christmas
It's a Wonderful Life

Other good ones...
Elf
The Nightmare Before Christmas (always have to watch that one on Halloween)
Christmas Story
Frosty the Snowman (the original)
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer (the claymation original with Burl Ives)

Proof....

That candy corn is evil.

Now there is picture proof.

I really think it is the most disgusting candy. Could have been made last week, could have been made in 1916 - either way it will taste the same.

Yuck.

Happy Halloween!

I do enjoy Halloween - it is one of the few times that everyone can experiment to be something or someone different.

Plus, it is the one day a year I can dress like a blood covered zombie at work.

My company goes all out for Halloween so it is a damn near useless day, but allows everyone to blow off some steam. Tonight when the manfolk gets done working it is time for some adult cider and my traditional viewing of The Nightmare Before Christmas. Aaaaahhh the little things.

Have a spook-tacular day!

It's different on the big screen

We've discovered an old theater in our town that shows some of the all time great movies each Friday. We've been able to see Indiana Jones (the manfolk wore his hat), Jaws (for the fourth of July weekend) and a couple of others. We recently bought tickets to see Ghostbusters.

They just released their winter lineup --- CHRISTMAS MOVIES!

YEAH YEAH YEAH!

The power of touch

I'm not a touchy feely person. At all. Growing up I was always so much taller than everyone I thought that hugs were awkward.

The manfolk is sick. Like can't be five feet from the toilet without being in danger of destroying the carpet sick (sorry honey, but it's true). So we have been trying our best to keep a 3' distance from each other and he is hosing the house down with Lysol after he touches anything.

We normally cuddle every night. Never thought much of it, just know that it's my favorite part of the day. I've been without cuddles and kisses for three nights and it has affected me. I was laying awake last night and realized just how much having someone in your life to touch impacts how you feel. It's amazing. I've always considered myself not very touchy (even my co-workers know I'm not a hugger and I work for a huggy company) so it was an odd revelation.

Anyway, I miss touching very much and hope he gets better soon.



And I miss the sex too. Difficult to go from every other day to not at all, but that's not the point of this post.

This speaks to me

I may develop my Team strategy at work around it for 2012

I get it...

Porn

I understand why people watch it. I have been known to enjoy some from time to time.

Just not girl on girl stuff. Doesn't do anything for me.

Can't wait...

65 days until Christmas!!

My new favorite Christmas Countdown website.

Season of giving...

We've been busy with charity this month. After a long summer of ridiculous heat it seems like all of our favorite charities decided to wait until October to host events.

Our softball team (that had previously won won game in two seasons) played in a charity tournament for Leukemia and Lymphoma Society. We have a leukemia survivor on our Team and it is a great cause. We went in to the double elimination tournament thinking we'd be done before noon. Ended up making it to the semifinals and were relieved (and extremely beat up) when we finally got eliminated.

The following weekend we did a walk for Alzheimer's. It was only a mile and zipped right by - very heart wrenching to see the people who have been affected by it and heart warming to see those that are fighting for a cure.

This weekend was our yearly 5K walk for mental illness - we still didn't end up walking the complete 5K but it wasn't our fault this year. Last year the organizers gave our Team a map and asked us to lead the walk - it didn't go well, there was an area under construction and we chose a different route - ended up leading everyone astray. This year they had people stationed to show us where to go and we still ended up at only around a mile. At least it was for a good cause.

September Resolution Update

September resolution update:

I painted for the first time. A real painting. They have places around here where you can bring your own bottle of wine and they have a person who leads you through how to paint a particular scene on a real canvas.

Saw Indiana Jones: Last Crusade on the big screen.

Hectic month with not much to show for it.

Sorry...

I've been slacking.

I know it and I'm working on it.

Life has been busy, but that's not really an excuse.

MISSING ELDERLY

Sometimes I think I'm the funniest person on the planet. I've mentioned drama with my dad previously and he and I don't really talk that much.

But every time I see one of the roadside billboards lit up with MISSING ELDERLY message (known in some areas as a "Golden Alert" or in Florida as a "Silver Alert" - stupid sounding but whatever) I have to call him. Don't care what time it is on what day, he gets a call.

I have to make sure he knows where he thinks he is.



It's the little things in life.

Celebrate!!

It's international TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY!!!

I'm a damn genius

Remember the red flags I talked about and mentioned that people tend to ignore?

I'm one of those people.

We all are - but I have proof that I'm an idiot because I wrote about it and still didn't pay attention.

Hiring Women

I've always preferred to work with guys. Usually you can have a heated arguement regarding business with a male and then 10 minutes later it's over and you move on to football. With women everything is personal. Just about everyone I've ever hired is male.

I inherited a team of women (and hired one guy into the mix). Last year two of my seven employees had babies so I was basically working short handed for half of the year. They had paid time off and I struggled - at least that was my opinion at the time.

Now that I am considering kiddos of my own I refuse to let anyone (ok maybe one person) that I work with know and certainly not the folks I work for. Sadly, I think it would be career limiting (at least in the short term).

Change of perspective for me - it's interesting.

Don't judge me...

But I am sitting here listening to Christmas music.

It makes me happy.

Yeah Christmas! The temperatures have dipped below 100 - the first sign that fall is on the way. Fall, Football, Hockey, Christmas - happy!

T-shirts are important dammit

Have had a couple inquiries about 'The T-Shirt Mission'

Which shirts have you gotten?
Key West (Feb 2009)
Orlando (Sept 2009)
Nashville (June 2011)
New Orleans (Aug 2011)
LuLu's (Aug 2011)

Lately they have been opening them faster than we can get there. Especially the Canadian ones. Over the past year we have had two big trips that we planned to get additional ones (including my original Bachelorette party) that were cancelled due to outside influences. Apparently planning in advance doesn't work for us so we've resorted to last minute shenanigans.

Dennis is the only person besides the two of us (LittleBro and I) that has a guaranteed invitation to go on the adventure. Everyone else is chosen based on what is going on at the time. When I went cruising last year I had a shot at four others in a matter of days, but couldn't do it because LittleBro wasn't there - that would have been breaking the rules.

The goal is - once we get all of them - to have my mom make us each a t-shirt quilt with pieces from each of them. We are quite particular about what the shirt looks like and how the graphics are done and where it says the name of the city that we are in. It is a science really.

With the possibilities of babies in the future we have kicked around some strategies of when and where we need to go before that all happens.

One big random adventure. That's how we roll.

International Bacon Day

I'm celebrating... how about you? I think I shall go on a bacon cooking extravaganza - we got a bunch of good recipes from the Beer and Bacon Shower - It's time to whip them out.

August Resolution Update

Updated adventures for the month of August...

For the middle brother's belated 30th birthday our baby brother and I took him (and our significant others) on one of our famous random adventures. We were originally going to try Padre, but there was a fishing tournament in town that interfered. We decided on the following (and managed to work two of our t-shirts from our mission into the whole thing*):
Fly to New Orleans
Drive to the ferry in Mississippi and float to Alabama
Go to LuLu's (Jimmy Buffett's sister's place in Gulf Shores)
Stay in Mobile (because when are you ever really going to do that in your life)
Drive back to New Orleans
Spend the day in the French Quarter
Fly home.

It was a busy, but fun, 40 hour trip. Tried new places, tried new beverages, had a random adventure good time.

Fired an intern. Ugh

First Fantasy Football Draft. We shall see how I do. A lot of picking was absolutely guess work (and one was because I got over exuberant with the draft button).


*there has been an adjustment to the rules of the mission. Dennis no longer has to be present. We just couldn't get the scheduling right and he bowed out. So LittleBro and I are the essential components and so far we've had someone different with us each time.

Well...

After much consideration and a blog post or two and thought and over-analyzation we have decided to pull the goalie.

It is scary this bringing a life solely dependent on you into the world thing.

Not too worried because I have some time to start thinking about it. We figure a few months to get the ABV (anti-baby-vitamins) out of my system and then we shall see what happens. Also need to get at least one more t-shirt.

The manfolk is already all over the web looking at shoulds and shouldn'ts and it is really cute.

Keeping up with the trailer life...

We could make so much money off of this...

BatShitCrazy has become a phenomenon around our friend group. They all friended her on Facebook. It is just too interesting not to.

Last weekend was her birthday. We had a party. It was my brother's idea really - the requirement - everyone needed to dress up like one of her activities. Trickier than you would think considering most of her activities aren't really activities.

The list of costumes was as follows (and was true to her list):
killing hookers and eating krystals afterwards (in our case krystals = PopRocks)
bodies of water
ghost hunting
tornadoes
taking pictures of myself in the mirror and posting them because i'm not conceded I just like photography
Marilyn Monroe quotes

We put her homepage on the big screen and played beer pong and had an all around good time. My mother thinks that we are being mean, but good lord - if you put it out there for the world to see then you have to expect some sort of reaction.

In other news... Crazystepbrother announced his engagement on Facebook to someone he has known for two months. Forgot that he was still married to Shoulda'Run until my stepmother asked him that on his status update. More awesomeness...

The reality show that I could put together with my extended Louisiana family would be epic.

Pet Peeve #11

Whistling.

It makes me crazy. Give me nails down a chalk board all day long, sing badly really loud, but please, please just don't whistle.

And usually when you tell someone how much it bothers you, they can't help themselves but do it.

For a day...

I would like to be able to answer work emails with what I'm really thinking. Just one day.

Idiot Employee to the Team: "Thanks so much for doing that!"
Me: "It's your damn job and I've told you twelve times to take care of it each day. I had to pick up the slack because you are incompetent and I am so beat down that I just did it myself. I'll add this to the paper trail stack I am building regarding your complete lack of coherence."

Guy in the Department who has Ideas an no execution: "Here's my idea, how can you make it happen?"
Me: "I'll tell you how -- You can get off your ass and follow through on something for once in your life instead of spouting half cocked ideas and expecting everyone to jump in and make you look good."

Idiot Employee #2 to the Team: "I don't know if I quite understand this yet."
Me: "Well you should. We've had two meetings and a one on one totaling about 5 hours of discussion on how to do this so if you don't get it by now I should be allowed to beat you with a brick. I know that you are resisting this because it wasn't your idea and you are feeling threatened because you have no self confidence - which, in all honesty you shouldn't have any confidence because you do the bare minimum, aren't innovative and promoted because of longevity and not merit."

Leader who doesn't make a decision: "I'll take that to the higher ups and we will discuss"
Me: "I'm shocked you can pick out your underwear in the morning without convening a meeting about it. Or maybe you do - I should ask your wife and kids."

It could just go on and on. I think it would be extremely therapeutic.

Finally...

Link to the professional wedding pictures are here! Woo hoo! They came out great. Now the trouble will be narrowing them down to the 50 we already paid for. I have a feeling we will be spending more $$ on these than we originally planned.

Can't lie...

Work was more exciting when there was the prospect of having random sex during the workday. Now all I have to look forward to is working. Sheesh.

As toxic/stupid/crazy as it was -- I was never so excited to get out of bed in the morning.

Oh well. What I've got now is infinitely better - though it is really hard to get out of bed in the morning when I'd rather be snuggling (or doing other naked stuff) with the manfolk.

As time goes on....

Haven't blogged in a while. Guess I should get on that...

The manfolk got a job. Started this Tuesday and is bored out of his mind, but is doing it for us and I am so very thankful he is willing to.

Other than that, just been damn busy.

Creepy Dress Communication

So, with my wedding dress purchase came a preservation kit. I guess it's a big deal in the wedding dress world, you put it in the box they provide and it ships out to get cleaned and vaccuum sealed into a different, fancier box. So I sent it off, and got this two days later...

"Wow, what a ride,"

"I am having Memories Gown Preservation send you an e-mail to let you know that I arrived safely."

"Did you know that Memories offers an upgrade service? Yeah, I saw this other gown getting the royal treatment. First, I saw it getting meticulously hand-cleaned and pressed, and then, they wrapped it in this museum-style muslin fabric. Next, they put it in this special box and shrunk wrapped the box for added protection... not to mention the additional $500.00 declared Insurance value. Man.... these guys go all out!!"

"If you have already seen the benefit, a loud, THANK YOU! If not, to learn more, call Customer Service at 866-492-GOWN."

"Missing you... I will back in a Jiffy!!"


Love,

Your Gown!

So creepy... I wonder how often it works.

How hard is it to be an intern?

Seriously... I had to fire an intern last week for general incompetence and inability to follow direction. How difficult is being an intern?

Really all you need to do is what you are told. Oh, by the way, we pay our interns and give them airline benefits.

Shit.

Waste of a day and a lot of heartache for the two sweet people who run the program for me. They were absolutely tormented to fire him in the last half of his tenure here. When I sat him down with HR to do the deed he immediately threw them under the bus. That helped make it crystal clear that we made the right decision.

The remaining intern is pretty much scared out of his wits... he is nervous around me at all times now. Ugh. He's a good kid who will probably give himself ulcers if he has to stand in my office too long.

If they had a country I'd move there...

I may have, once or twice, mentioned how much I like bacon.

Found the best article today. Click here to read.

Dear Republic of Bacon,

You are my hero.

Love,

P&B

Be careful who you ask...

Be careful who you ask for advice. Perspective is everything.

July Resolution Update

Much easier than June...

Got married in Mexico.

Did my first open water scuba dives. Loved it! It had been a year since my certification and I will try not to let that happen again.

New restaurants: Red dog Right, Pluckers - both good, sporty, excellent service.

We won our first softball game in franchise history. After two seasons of losses this was a really big deal for us. Also at the last game of the season one of our fill in peeps got two in the park home runs... another first.

Sharing is caring

Apparently I don't share enough because someone asked me if I would try out formspring where people can ask anything they want. So...

Click here and ask me anything

We shall see if anyone does or what will happen.

My Training Roommate

So I mentioned a couple of times this year that I was in training. It was three, one week sessions of the same class. They held he here in north Texas, but even if you were local you had to stay in the hotel (nice place) and they assigned you a roommate which remained constant through all three weeks.

My roommate was from the east coast and was very sweet. She just had some quirks about the hotel room and germs.

The first night I walk in (a little late and a little inebriated) and meet her. The first thing that catches my eye is the TV remote (see inset picture - yes I had to take a picture so people would believe me). She bagged it. I couldn't help but ask about it and was advised that dateline did an expose on hotels and this was the safest way to handle remote germs.

Ok. She also had her own towel and always wore shoes - but I guess a lot of people do that. Twice she fell asleep with the remote on/under her and I had to wait until she rolled over hours later to fish it out. I don't sleep much anyway (usually between 2 and 6 am are my prime sleep hours) and this didn't help.

The best part was, each time before we left the room she would hide her towel and the remote - so the maid didn't think she was crazy.

I on the other hand...

Me and the Catholic Church

So, I'm a divorced enemy of the Catholic church.

I mentioned before that the ex is Catholic (I was raised Presbyterian). The entire time we were together the only reason we went to a church was a wedding or a funeral. Needless to say weren't really practicing any sort of religion.

So after I left, he found his future wife and went back to the Catholic church. Hard core. So much so that he thought that it would be a good idea to get our marriage annulled.

Yes. Annulled after eight years of marriage. I believe the basis of his argument for it is that I didn't want to have children with him. He came to me a few months after the divorce was final and asked if I wouldn't fight it because it was really important to him -- I was pretty much floored by the whole turn of events. Considering that he hated the Catholic church for so long (he's pretty liberal and their anti-homosexual rants and tendency to tolerate the molestation of children got him fired up) it was a remarkable turn of events. I think I even have a picture of him humping an underwater Jesus in Mexico at some point.

Turns out it was important to his new woman - but not so important to delay their wedding plans when they found out it would take over a year to process. He got hitched less than a year after our divorce was final and plans on getting a 'blessing' whenever the church gets around to granting the annulment.

I certainly didn't fight it (takes a lot of energy and if he pays them enough he will get it either way). I don't really care and I just don't get it. If it makes him happy then so be it.

The reason this rant comes up is that I received a bit of mail that the annulment was still pending, but they had finished doing research.

Maybe God has a sense of humor and they will drag it out a few more years.

Live and Let Live

"It's astonishing how much energy some people waste worrying that someone else might be enjoying life in ways that they don't approve of."

Saw this on a fellow blogger site and couldn't resist reposting.

I'm not great with words so I love finding quotes that say what I want to say better than I can.

Damn Monday's keep showing up...

Mission #5 Update

I suck.

Didn't lose anymore weight. Didn't finish my 100 miles (got frustrated when I lost a quarter of my data to the Nike gods and dog drool).

So... I've been pretty happy with everything (including myself) and wasn't let down until I had to type this.

Doh

Hmmmmm.....

This could be dangerous, now I can text blog posts from my phone...

June Resolution Update

A little late but I've been a tad busy...

Firsts during the month of June...

My little brother got engaged! Planning on that being a first and only, his girl is awesome. Their wedding is already planned for November. I finally have time to get excited.

Graduated my training class series.

Introduced the manfolk to the book club (big deal).

Got bailed on by my wedding coordinator (who, even though I text nicely "thanks for all of your help, headed to Mexico and wish you were too" before I left town hasn't said a word to us in the last few weeks).

And that's about it.


July's will be much easier for me... And substantially more exciting.

And no....

Just because I'm talking about babies doesn't mean I am either 1. already pregnant or 2. we are trying right away.

Now where is my bottle of wine?

Babies in the making

Came home from one peice of sad news. A friend of mine (who is also in our bookclub) lost her baby girl at 16 weeks of pregnancy.

It's kinda scary. I never thought much about it, but now that my close friends are having kids (quite a few of us waited to have them until post 30) and I see what some are going through to concieve it is a little intimidating.

The manfolk and I have talked about trying soon (he's seven years older than I am and I'm not really a spring chicken as far as uterus' go) and then keep saying maybe after _________________ (fill in the blank - he gets a steady job, we get a house, etc.)

Have you seen the movie Idiocracy? It's a pretty wacky movie about the gradual dumbing down of society, but the first five minutes make me think about quite a few folks that I know. It shows the classic stereotype of a trailer trash situation where they have no money or brains but breed like rabbits. On the converse you have the 30 something college educated folks who basically waited until they felt that the time was 'right' to have kids, when actually their time had passed and they are unable.

Who knows when the time is 'right'?

I don't want to be that couple.

If we have the opportunity to bring some well loved kids into the world I know we will make them great - even if we aren't in the same 'place' material-wise (money, house, etc.) that others feel we should be at this time in our lives.

We are happy - I believe that counts for a lot. I love our little life and know that whatever happens kids would just add to it.

For the first time ever I think I could get through anything with someone and I would like to share that.

Home sweet work?

I can't even begin to explain how difficult it was to leave my chaise lounge by the pool and pack yesterday afternoon. Ugh.

The wedding festivities went great -- I had a few moments of being overwhelmed when the last big group of folks arrived from the airport Friday and I still didn't have a photographer. Oh and when we were on the pirate ship and the now-brother-in-law got drunk and decided to climb the rigging -- but other than that it was fantastic.

The resort was great, the staff there was wonderful (with the exception of one crappy bartender), the wedding was just what we wanted and perfect for us. Simple, sandy and surrounded by friends and family. Who would have thought more than 40 people would fly to another country to see us get hitched? We are extremely loved and very lucky.

So i sit at work, wading through the 2000+ emails that were waiting for me and have just a big fat smile on my face. I miss the beach, the time with friends and my 10am pina colada - but have a pile of memories that make me laugh as we start up our new life together.

It's good to be happy and well loved.

I'M GETTING MARRIED!!

I set this up to post at 'go time'.

I'M GETTING MARRIED.



Never thought I would say that again and never thought I could ever be this happy. We don't have much in the way of material stuff (except for some pretty cool wedding gifts that we've gotten) but we are the happiest and most real couple that I know.

Right now my toes are in the sand and I am committing myself to the manfolk for the rest of his life (statistically speaking).

Time?

I seriously have none. 36 or so hours until I'm on a plane out of here. Still have a bunch of little stuff to take care of and need to pack (oh yeah that). In the meantime I'm working up until the last minute because I don't want to use all of my vacation for the year. After the wedding I'll only have a few cherished days left to make it to next January.

So you get a picture instead of a blog post with any real content to it.

The Shuttle Finale

STS 135 is scheduled to depart earth today. The last shuttle mission.

And the government doesn't seem to have a fully executable system to replace it (or support the International Space Station).

30 years of history. The program is nearly as old as I am. When we went to visit NASA in May it was extremely humbling and enlightening to see all that the shuttle program has brought to the United States (and I'm not just talking about freeze dried ice cream)and the world. Challenger... Columbia... still remember where I was and the impact of those tragedies (part of why flight safety has interested me since I was a tot). Space flight and the moon landing, through disaster and good times, have repeatedly brought the country together.

During our visit we talked to the folks that have dedicated their lives to this program -- they are devastated, but were still completely focused on the mission. STS 134 was up at that time and we saw them doing final training for STS 135 -- its just a wonder what will happen to the thousands that work on this program (laid off) and the resources that have been put into it. Just the training facilities and manpower alone are astounding.

What can I say... I'll watch, and cheer and hope above all that we don't give up on space exploration and all of the passion, wonder and possibilities that it brings.

Cheers to the end of an era and those who have made it possible.

Shoepolish and the dead

I have mentioned previously how I feel about ceremonies surrounding death. Like I said - throw me a big party.

For the love of everything holy, whatever you do, do NOT shoe polish my name and RIP on the back of your car. What kind of memorial is that?? Rear car windows are now to be known as graffiti places for: Billy Joe's sweet 16, raunchy messages on someone's wedding get away car, and a memorial statement (Tater Smith 1934-2011).

Saw one on the back of a car on the way to work today and wanted to pull over and ask the driver if that is how he would want to be remembered - his name and dates shoe polished on the back of someone's 1989 faded red Honda.

Because I don't have time...

to blog anything else at the moment. Please to enjoy Redneck Paintball Duckhunt.

Quickly becoming a favorite

I don't know you, but you make me laugh.

Thank you Blogess

Dare you to ask me for a referral...

So, the manfolk and I handed off the stateside planning of our wedding to a long time friend of his who is (I would say was at this point) trying to become a wedding/event planner.

Saturday, 22 days prior to the wedding, she texts the manfolk that she isn't coming to the wedding. The excuses are quite flimsy. We knew she might flake on us earlier, but figured at this point she was fully invested and there was no turning back. We were wrong.

So Sunday I posted a facebook message as such:
"Knew planning was going too smoothly -- not good when your wedding coordinator isn't going to the wedding"

She went apeshit. On facebook. I ended up deleting the thread because she was making an ass of herself.

And I feel guilty - WTH? She bails three weeks prior to the wedding and I feel guilty. Shit. I'm too nice. I've been agitated over the whole thing for about 24 hours and really need to make myself chill out.

Haven't talked to her, everything has been through text. I just sent her an email proposing a truce (I need her knowledge of the inner workings of our wedding and also hope to salvage the friendship because I don't think it is worth losing over her being a flake) and put it in her court.

We shall see.

Needless to say she won't be getting a good referral and there has been a serious loss of trust.

As we get closer...

People tend to love to give wedding/marriage advice as we get closer and closer to the big day. 

Then someone was kind enough to present me with this lovely blog.  I cried I laughed so hard and the moral of the story (and quite possibly the best advice we have gotten yet) know when to pick your battles.

And everyone needs a 5 foot chicken

A decade?

When I was deciding to write this post I was looking back through last year and realized that I posted nearly the same thing last year. Guess it is just that time of year when this set of memories surfaces.


Today would have been a decade married to the ex.

Scary.

If I was in it I'd be a shell of who I am today (and this blog would be a lot more dull).

Really scary.

A decade just sounds like such a loooooong time. I was just a kid back then! I've said to my mom "Why didn't someone stop me?" after muttering under her breath she usually tells me something to the effect that I am pigheaded and (especially back then) there was no stopping me. Resistance would have made me more determined.

I can see that.

Copyright Schmopyright

I hate that crap.

1.  It's music. Share. What's the harm in it?  It's not even a new song - you've made your millions and you broadcast it on TV.  That is like saying you will share and then changing your mind.   I believe as children we used to call that Indian Giving.

2. You are making it so that links from my blog don't work.  It makes me crazy.

Suck it viacom

Rereading

I got off track and started re-reading some of the stuff that I've posted since I started this shenanigan.

I seem to like counting down. It's kinda funny. My brother and I have discussed that we are the type of people that like having something to look forward to - something to strive for. Guess counting down makes me feel good.

and you guys haven't complained yet... so I'll keep the status quo.

Father's Day

In honor of father's day I defer to the highly entertaining... Shit my dad says.

My father wears me out (see previous post) but as my brother puts it "Mom insists he's your dad so deal with it" 

Happy Father's day to all decent dads - and some that don't always seem decent but you love anyway.

Alls well that ends well... I think?

Excellent. Needless to say... most of our attendees are lovers not fighters when they are drunk and it shall be a requirement of the groom to wear pants (or at least underwear).

One month!!!

One month until I marry the manfolk!!

What does this say...

When the google ads on my page are for rehab?

Talk amongst yourselves...

Really?

My father actually emailed me from another country while on 'business' (getting drunk on the beach on a charity's dime) and told me to contact his secretary to schedule some time with him when he gets back because he wants to see me.

Are you kidding?

Call his secretary to book time?

Not a f-ing chance in hell. If he wants to get together when he has sobered up he can call and schedule time with me himself.

What if I told him to call my secretary?

Ever hear the song Cats in the Cradle by Harry Chapin (or my favorite rendition by Ugly Kid Joe)?

Sheesh.

An excuse...

Blogging will be spotty for a bit... have training for a week that starts tomorrow and then immediately leaving for some drunkenness (I love you Sailor Jerry) on the beach in Florida with my littlest brother and our significant others.

YEAH BEACH!!!

Drinking Alone -- Undone

And... the response to our interesting debate from earlier from a guest blogger. I'm quite impressed...



Here is my dissertation. It took a somewhat different turn than what you originally proposed, but here you have it.

The Science Behind Drinking Alone

I often recall hearing that drinking along is a bad thing. I’ve done it, will continue to do it, and I know many people that have and will. So if what I’ve heard is true, then drinking alone is a sure sign of impending or existent alcoholism, right? Most likely yes…but not if you follow these simple rules to determine whether or not you are actually drinking “alone”. If you fear you may be drinking alone, I’ve also provided some tips to help you out of a potential lifetime of devastation.

At Home
If you are in a residence, be it a house, apartment, dorm room, or drainage ditch (these rules extend to the homeless too), you are not drinking alone if there is another person in the residence with you and they are within conversational earshot. Example: I am sitting on the couch watching TV drinking straight from a bottle of Jaeger, and as long as I can engage in a conversation with another individual without yelling, then I am not drinking alone. On the contrary: I am playing Wii in the basement and sipping a Coors Light while my sister is upstairs in her room practicing for her upcoming American Idol audition. I are not home by myself, but there is nobody within earshot, nobody to converse with; therefore I am functionally alone, drinking, and am inevitably headed down the path of evil and will someday beat my wife without regret. The homeless clearly have the distinct advantage here, as they tend to gather en mass, and their potential for being accused of drinking alone is virtually non-existent. We could only be so lucky.

How Not to Drink Along on an Airplane
The concept of drinking along on an airplane may seem silly. How often are you ever alone on an airplane? Even if you are the only passenger, there will presumably (hopefully) be at least one Flight Attendant to keep you company. However basic this may seem, there is still potential to drink alone on an airplane, starting you down (or continuing down) a path of loneliness and self-destruction. Due to the confines of an airplane, as long as you know someone (anyone) on the airplane, you can order your bloody Mary and not risk drinking alone. How you define “know someone” is debatable, but a general rule of thumb is whether or not you would say hello to that person on your way to your seat. Personally, I encourage you to make friends in the terminal before boarding the airplane. This serves as a cheap insurance policy. If you don’t know anyone on the airplane, but an individual in your row orders a drink, you can feel free to indulge; you are not drinking alone. One commonly misunderstood technicality arises when you travel on an airplane with two levels (B-747, Airbus 380). If you know somebody on the airplane but they are the other level, you must have said hello to them and acknowledged your travel plans on the same calendar day in order to establish each other’s presence. After that, feel free to indulge. All of these rules assume you are flying in Economy class. If you are fortunate enough to be seated in Business or First class, it is socially expected for you to drink as much as you possibly can no matter whom, if anyone, you know on the airplane. Premium Economy presents an interesting challenge, one that I am not prepared to discuss as of yet.

These are just basic examples of how to drink alone without it being considered problematic. Many additional guidelines exist, some of which may be discussed in the future.

For those who are concerned about a potential bad habit forming, just remember to follow these rules as anything to the contrary will inevitably lead straight to eternal hellfire and damnation. For those of you not too concerned, I’ll see you in hell.

Damn internet...

You try to have a secret or two but sometimes the internet gets the best of you.

Oh well - can't find it unless you are specifically looking for it so I'm not too worried.

And for the folks who asked. NO. I am not pregnant.

Best. Sign. Ever.

Speaking of old age...

NSFD -- See Dennis - I remembered for once!

I pulled something my back having semi-wild, but very vigorous sex last week. Hurts like crazy.

Coming to grips with the fact I'm not 20 anymore sucks.

My boss hurt his back about a month ago and was being a total bitch about it. Now I kinda feel bad for saying mean things about his demeanor. It is miserable when you have to sit through meetings and just can't get comfortable.

The Scare

Just about everyone I know has had 'The Scare', some in high school (sinners... ha ha ha) some later in life -- that horrible few hours from realizing you are late, buying the test (the ultimate walk of shame) and waiting for the little line to appear.

As I was taking my ABV (anti-baby vitamin a.k.a. birth control) last night I was thinking about how different life would be if it wasn't actually a scare.

My first one was just after my senior year in high school with a guy who was a mistake in general - the kid would be 13 or so now, HOLY BALLS.

The others (yes, plural) didn't happen until college with the person who ended up being my first husband. Which weren't really scares because, come to find out, it isn't likely that he can have kids without medical intervention anyway. Still, if it wasn't a scare I would most likely still be married to him, perhaps miserable and would have a kid in the 4th grade (or so)

Yikes.

As I take my ABV, just over a month from the wedding, I realize that The Scare doesn't really scare me any more. Not with the manfolk (my almost husband) and our little life. It is interesting, and a bit scary, knowing that it would be hugely difficult (emotionally, physically, financially, etc.) but that we would be in it together.

God I'm getting mushy in my old age.

Words I can't spell

necessary
received
recipe
restaurant

Each one of these got the squiggly red line under them as I finished the list. Yeah for Microsoft and Mozilla for the squiggly line and auto correct.

Its getting close...

More and more real all of the time. Got an email from the person who is in charge of our ceremony today. Turns out he blogs a little (click here).

So exciting!

Spending today tying up some loose wedding ends and getting some stuff taken care of.

Psssssst

Secrets can be fun.

If you trust the right people with them.

Fun fun fun.

Bursting with it but I can't even tell you guys.

An interesting debate...

Drinking alone.

Some say it is only for alcoholics. If you don't save drinking for the social scene you may have a problem.

I disagree.

So... Denise and I (Denise = Dennis) who quite enjoy a cold beer on the couch alone in our underwear have challenged a good friend of ours to come up with the 'whys' behind the stigmata on social drinking.

More to follow as he submits his paperwork...

Mission Update #4

Keep forgetting to weigh myself. Something subliminal perhaps?

Ha!

Starting to realize that the manfolk is actually ok with me and how I look. Sounds stupid but it was a big realization last week (after I had a half drunken body image breakdown). I even bought a pair of shorts. Ha! Just because he said I should.

I think it is difficult because the ex used to be such an image Nazi. Everything was always supposed to look just right, every pound was lamented and guilt about food and activity choices was an every day, every minute thing.

Still walking, have just under 50 days to do about 50 miles. My pace has slowed but I'm on track.

Still drinking water at work. Still a challenge to do so on the weekends.

May Resolution Update

The May Update on "Doing things I've never done" aka. The Resolution

Shot a shotgun (had done rifles before, but never a shotgun)

Turned 32

Went to Houston and got a behind the scenes tour of NASA as part of a business trip. Got to go to Mission Control and the NBL and everything -- it was AWESOME. Top picture is the shuttle cargo bay tester at the Neutral Buoyancy Lab (NBL) in Houston. Very cool. It just make me want to put on a dive suit and jump in, perfect time to use my dive skills. Also got to see the current Mission Control Rooms and also sit at the Flight Director's desk in the old Apollo era Mission Control. The rotary phone controls were the best part -- it just doesn't seem technologically right that they had rotary phones and put a man on the moon. Took some great pictures and got some keepsakes from the people there. Really sad that the shuttle program is nearing it's end, can't imagine what is going to happen to all of those people and that infrastructure.



Sat on a delayed plane for three hours. Thank you Texas weather. Happy to say that that was a first.

Some sweet friends of ours threw us a Taco Shower (as a follow-up to April's Beer and Bacon) it was a bunch of fun.

Signed up for a youtube account. Never thought it was really necessary, but it is quite fun when you get into it.


Got drunk with a friend the other night and bought a pole dancing classes (Groupon on iPhone is dangerous - it should probably require a breathalyzer to operate), so hopefully I won't permanently damage myself and still be able to update you at the close of June.