For a day...

I would like to be able to answer work emails with what I'm really thinking. Just one day.

Idiot Employee to the Team: "Thanks so much for doing that!"
Me: "It's your damn job and I've told you twelve times to take care of it each day. I had to pick up the slack because you are incompetent and I am so beat down that I just did it myself. I'll add this to the paper trail stack I am building regarding your complete lack of coherence."

Guy in the Department who has Ideas an no execution: "Here's my idea, how can you make it happen?"
Me: "I'll tell you how -- You can get off your ass and follow through on something for once in your life instead of spouting half cocked ideas and expecting everyone to jump in and make you look good."

Idiot Employee #2 to the Team: "I don't know if I quite understand this yet."
Me: "Well you should. We've had two meetings and a one on one totaling about 5 hours of discussion on how to do this so if you don't get it by now I should be allowed to beat you with a brick. I know that you are resisting this because it wasn't your idea and you are feeling threatened because you have no self confidence - which, in all honesty you shouldn't have any confidence because you do the bare minimum, aren't innovative and promoted because of longevity and not merit."

Leader who doesn't make a decision: "I'll take that to the higher ups and we will discuss"
Me: "I'm shocked you can pick out your underwear in the morning without convening a meeting about it. Or maybe you do - I should ask your wife and kids."

It could just go on and on. I think it would be extremely therapeutic.