If you decide to do something that you know will make you miserable and you don't say no, don't come whining to me.
This is something that has carried over from my all about me streak and something I won't let go of. I used to fill a lot of time in my life doing things that I really didn't want to do, just because of the guilt of saying no to someone.
It feels good to say no sometimes, especially when it is something just going to make you unhappy or miss something you would prefer to do. Granted, there are some things that have to be done, that is part of life (and usually involves family) -- but seriously, if it doesn't make you happy or you don't want to do it just think... will this matter in 6 months? a year? 10 years?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Pet Peeve #2
'That's how they've/we've always done it.'
Nothing is as frustrating as when this is the excuse for something that makes no sense or doesn't help or isn't the best way to do something.
I work in a family oriented company that was cutting edge when we started nearly 40 years ago and has difficulty keeping up with the times (especially when it comes to internal processes and the 'good old boy' mentality) and I hear it all of the time. I have spent countless hours convincing people that just becuase it was done this way in the 70's doesn't mean it is still the best (or most efficient, or regulatory compliant) way to do something.
Today I heard it in my personal life and it makes me just as crazy. Unfortunately it was tied into something that will never change - funerals. Religion has too much sway there and there is no hope of me getting that changed.
Either way, work or personal, it seems like more of an excuse to resist change than it does people actually thinking things through for themselves.
Just makes me bonkers.
Nothing is as frustrating as when this is the excuse for something that makes no sense or doesn't help or isn't the best way to do something.
I work in a family oriented company that was cutting edge when we started nearly 40 years ago and has difficulty keeping up with the times (especially when it comes to internal processes and the 'good old boy' mentality) and I hear it all of the time. I have spent countless hours convincing people that just becuase it was done this way in the 70's doesn't mean it is still the best (or most efficient, or regulatory compliant) way to do something.
Today I heard it in my personal life and it makes me just as crazy. Unfortunately it was tied into something that will never change - funerals. Religion has too much sway there and there is no hope of me getting that changed.
Either way, work or personal, it seems like more of an excuse to resist change than it does people actually thinking things through for themselves.
Just makes me bonkers.
Monday, March 29, 2010
There is a light...
Wow that last entry was quite the random rant. Drugs are good mmmmkay...
There is a light at the end of this tonsil tunnel... Went back to the doc today and he said that I am healing right just slowly because of the procedure he had to do back in December and the fact that I am old.
At the ripe old age of 30 my doctor is calling me old. Nice.
Anyway, feeling a lot better energy-wise. He said that all of a sudden I will feel better in the next few days (something about scabs that I don't want to get into) and be ready to join the real world again. So here I sit for a few more days.
There are only so many soft foods you can eat.
First time that I have spent any real legnth of time by myself (the dog doesn't count) since the surgery. The manfolk has been very attentive and has only slipped away for bits at a time - usually to get or take care of something for me. This afternoon he left with the intent to get some work done, but tragedy interceded.
Yesterday a friend of his passed away. I had only met him briefly at party and don't really remember him, but it has hit the manfolk pretty hard. He and his friends are out this evening pouring some out for their lost friend. Pretty scary - 37 years old and died of liver failure and other complications. When we are this young you excpect sudden disease and accidental death - not your body giving up on you.
I am curious to see how this plays out - the manfolk and I haven't 'been through death' together and this is the type of thing that he takes internally. Hopefully he will let me in and share when he is ready. But for now they are out drowning their sorrows.
I am not one of the people who likes to dress in black and gather at the church to mourn the passing of others. When I go I want to have my organs donated, be cremated, and the people I love to throw a giant party. If funerals are for the living then let the living enjoy the memories and have a good time. I would like to think the people I love would want the same. Once I am gone - remember the good stuff. No need to stage a depressing memorial. Smile - dance - drink -- have one last shenanigan in honor of me.
There is a light at the end of this tonsil tunnel... Went back to the doc today and he said that I am healing right just slowly because of the procedure he had to do back in December and the fact that I am old.
At the ripe old age of 30 my doctor is calling me old. Nice.
Anyway, feeling a lot better energy-wise. He said that all of a sudden I will feel better in the next few days (something about scabs that I don't want to get into) and be ready to join the real world again. So here I sit for a few more days.
There are only so many soft foods you can eat.
First time that I have spent any real legnth of time by myself (the dog doesn't count) since the surgery. The manfolk has been very attentive and has only slipped away for bits at a time - usually to get or take care of something for me. This afternoon he left with the intent to get some work done, but tragedy interceded.
Yesterday a friend of his passed away. I had only met him briefly at party and don't really remember him, but it has hit the manfolk pretty hard. He and his friends are out this evening pouring some out for their lost friend. Pretty scary - 37 years old and died of liver failure and other complications. When we are this young you excpect sudden disease and accidental death - not your body giving up on you.
I am curious to see how this plays out - the manfolk and I haven't 'been through death' together and this is the type of thing that he takes internally. Hopefully he will let me in and share when he is ready. But for now they are out drowning their sorrows.
I am not one of the people who likes to dress in black and gather at the church to mourn the passing of others. When I go I want to have my organs donated, be cremated, and the people I love to throw a giant party. If funerals are for the living then let the living enjoy the memories and have a good time. I would like to think the people I love would want the same. Once I am gone - remember the good stuff. No need to stage a depressing memorial. Smile - dance - drink -- have one last shenanigan in honor of me.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
House arrest
Wouldn't wish this on anyone.
Tired of being couped up, but don't really have much of an option. Pain is still worse in the morning, but then I take drugs and sleep until about noon. The rest of the day is pretty much a roller coaster of a little pain and then suddenly a lot and then back to feeling almost normal.
Rode in the car for an hour yesterday and was exhausted afterwards.
Going a little stir crazy. Started a zombie farm on my iPhone. Beat the iPhone in three out of four games of Monopoly.
I'm probably not drinking as much as I should be. I have been trying, but (not to sound like a baby) it really hurts.
Seriously lucky to have my man. He has got to be going about crazy at this point too.
Sad to miss softball tonight. Double header. We haven't won a game yet, but I have hope for the team. We are having fun (at least I am) and planning an excellent after season party. Ha.
Follow-up appointment tomorrow. Maybe they will spray me with a magic get well medicine or tell me what I have been doing wrong.
Good news is I have seen a lot of NCIS that I hadn't seen and we are caught up through season five of the Office (that is all that is on DVD). The season enders always torture the manfolk and I feel a little guilty being the one to get him hooked. But we shall continue to watch.
Haven't eaten much and I am pretty sure that the drugs keep me fairly not hungry. I am normally the type that wants to eat all of the time. Meanwhile at random moments I find myself hungry for random things. I am keeping a list of things I want to eat in my head as soon as I'm healed.
Ok... enough of random thoughts for now...
Tired of being couped up, but don't really have much of an option. Pain is still worse in the morning, but then I take drugs and sleep until about noon. The rest of the day is pretty much a roller coaster of a little pain and then suddenly a lot and then back to feeling almost normal.
Rode in the car for an hour yesterday and was exhausted afterwards.
Going a little stir crazy. Started a zombie farm on my iPhone. Beat the iPhone in three out of four games of Monopoly.
I'm probably not drinking as much as I should be. I have been trying, but (not to sound like a baby) it really hurts.
Seriously lucky to have my man. He has got to be going about crazy at this point too.
Sad to miss softball tonight. Double header. We haven't won a game yet, but I have hope for the team. We are having fun (at least I am) and planning an excellent after season party. Ha.
Follow-up appointment tomorrow. Maybe they will spray me with a magic get well medicine or tell me what I have been doing wrong.
Good news is I have seen a lot of NCIS that I hadn't seen and we are caught up through season five of the Office (that is all that is on DVD). The season enders always torture the manfolk and I feel a little guilty being the one to get him hooked. But we shall continue to watch.
Haven't eaten much and I am pretty sure that the drugs keep me fairly not hungry. I am normally the type that wants to eat all of the time. Meanwhile at random moments I find myself hungry for random things. I am keeping a list of things I want to eat in my head as soon as I'm healed.
Ok... enough of random thoughts for now...
Friday, March 26, 2010
Miserable
I've been in a drugged up semi-coma since Monday when I had my tonsils out. It is miserable. I figured it would be a few days of strep-like pain and then I would be fine, but this is a whole new level of miserable. Day 5 and only brief glimpses of feeling better (usually drug induced).
One of my good friends sent me a magic bear and balloons to help. That just warms your heart I don't care who you are.
This whole shenanigan makes me realize how lucky I am to have the man that I have in my life. He has been by my side constantly (until I pretty much forced him to go out for a drink last night with his roommate) and waiting on me hand and foot. I have been thanking him and posting my praises on facebook and twitter - but it just isn't enough. If you know of a way for me to explain to him how much this means to me please let me know.
I had no way of knowing that I would ever find a man that would go to such legnths for me. I am amazed more and more each day and I love him more and more each day. This was the very last thing that I expected to come out of surgery and bed rest.
One of my good friends sent me a magic bear and balloons to help. That just warms your heart I don't care who you are.
This whole shenanigan makes me realize how lucky I am to have the man that I have in my life. He has been by my side constantly (until I pretty much forced him to go out for a drink last night with his roommate) and waiting on me hand and foot. I have been thanking him and posting my praises on facebook and twitter - but it just isn't enough. If you know of a way for me to explain to him how much this means to me please let me know.
I had no way of knowing that I would ever find a man that would go to such legnths for me. I am amazed more and more each day and I love him more and more each day. This was the very last thing that I expected to come out of surgery and bed rest.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
The Reaction
Family dinner last night. Had to make a move and tell mom about the tattoo before my little could use it as a weapon. Being the youngest mom tends to harp on him about stuff so his defense mechanism last night was going to be "oh yeah... well she got a new tattoo."
Before the scenario could arise (and after she had had some wine) I just went in and showed her. She wasn't as ticked as the first time and I think her real worry is the fact that I won't be able to give blood for another year.
All in all, not too bad. Plus I got chocolate yummies out of the deal.
Before the scenario could arise (and after she had had some wine) I just went in and showed her. She wasn't as ticked as the first time and I think her real worry is the fact that I won't be able to give blood for another year.
All in all, not too bad. Plus I got chocolate yummies out of the deal.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Where is my green underwear?
Happy St. Patrick's Day!
In honor of I post a picture of my little on our last t-shirt adventure. We stopped in at Pat O's because Dennis had never been to one (and the famous "There isn't any alcohol in this hurricane!" was spoken) and met up with Tinkerbell and some midgets dressed as leprechauns (they confessed to not being real leprechauns).
In honor of I post a picture of my little on our last t-shirt adventure. We stopped in at Pat O's because Dennis had never been to one (and the famous "There isn't any alcohol in this hurricane!" was spoken) and met up with Tinkerbell and some midgets dressed as leprechauns (they confessed to not being real leprechauns).
Motivation and surgery
I was reading back over my entries here and you can tell when I am having motivational issues at work. I tend to voice it more in this forum.
I am desperately in need of a vacation - preferably the beach - but instead I am having my tonsils out next week. Monday I go under the knife. Apparently it is much more of an ordeal to recover if you are old (as opposed to the lucky little bastards that get it done when they are 4 years old).
I have never had surgery (except for the old wisdom teeth in high school) and am really not looking forward to this. Everyone either has a horror story, tells me I'll lose weight, or says 'at least you get all the ice cream that you want'. I just want to get it over with.
Mom offered to take time off to watch over me and so did the manfolk. He seems pretty set on it so he is going to be my ride and my keeper for at least the first day. Pretty sure this will be a test of true love considering I'll be laying in bed drooling and drugged for a few days.
I am desperately in need of a vacation - preferably the beach - but instead I am having my tonsils out next week. Monday I go under the knife. Apparently it is much more of an ordeal to recover if you are old (as opposed to the lucky little bastards that get it done when they are 4 years old).
I have never had surgery (except for the old wisdom teeth in high school) and am really not looking forward to this. Everyone either has a horror story, tells me I'll lose weight, or says 'at least you get all the ice cream that you want'. I just want to get it over with.
Mom offered to take time off to watch over me and so did the manfolk. He seems pretty set on it so he is going to be my ride and my keeper for at least the first day. Pretty sure this will be a test of true love considering I'll be laying in bed drooling and drugged for a few days.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Will wonders never cease
Swore when then last one ended that I wouldn't ever ever get married again. Well... it has come up in conversation and it turns out that I would more than consider it again.
Damn.
Even have thoughts of having little ones down the line (I guess not too far because I am getting old).
Pretty much a first for me, as in the past it would have been a fleeing "what if?" instead of a "want to".
Seriously shocked at myself. But it is a good thing.
I think.
I do know this... I have never been so happy or laughed so much. It doesn't feel fleeting. Of course there are always hurdles and concerns in each relationship - stuff that we will have to work on and a thousand reasons to run. I love him and I love myself when I am around him. Something I haven't had before.
Damn.
Even have thoughts of having little ones down the line (I guess not too far because I am getting old).
Pretty much a first for me, as in the past it would have been a fleeing "what if?" instead of a "want to".
Seriously shocked at myself. But it is a good thing.
I think.
I do know this... I have never been so happy or laughed so much. It doesn't feel fleeting. Of course there are always hurdles and concerns in each relationship - stuff that we will have to work on and a thousand reasons to run. I love him and I love myself when I am around him. Something I haven't had before.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Exposure...
Ok.. since I posted about my new ink and mentioned my old one someone has asked about how mom found out about the first tattoo. So here you have it...
I got the tattoo on a wine cooler infused whim about a month after turning 18. I was visiting a friend in Houston (actually I was a wing man for a friend who was getting a long distance booty call) and it came up that I had always wanted to get one - after a four pack of Fuzzy Navels it sounded like a brilliant idea. So we went to a shop on Westheimer (spell check doesn't like that one) and I picked a design off the wall and got it done. I put it on my hip so it would be easily hidden and laughed as I chatted up a stripper named Candy who was watching the Portuguese tattoo artist (no english spoken except "I'm going to pull your pants down further") go to work on me.
Because of it's location most of the time I forget that it is there, after the initial healing I forgot about it most of the time. Once I almost got busted by my little brother in the pool at home because it was peeking out over my bikini bottom but I played it off as a fake.
One spring break, a few years after the tattoo was done, I went home and my mom and I made plans to fly to Tampa to visit my grandfather. When we got to the airport the agent offered us a first class upgrade, a voucher, and a night in Chicago, if we would give up our seats. Well of course we did and then we were off to Chicago - luggage free. Well, we got to the hotel around midnight and showered and headed to bed. Being luggage free I got done showering and dashed across the hotel room partially covered by a towel. Not really thinking.
Mom "Is that a tattoo?"
Me "Noooooooo" (slam the light switch off and fling myself at my bed)
Mom "It is isn't it?"
*silence*
Mom "A tattoo, I can't believe it"
Me "Night"
*silence*
Mom *sigh*
And I still haven't lived it down. Every time my brothers do something wrong and mom starts in on them their response is generally "Well, at least I don't have a tattoo"... and the focus turns to me.
Family dinner on Wednesday -- we will see what she says. Probably should have someone record it for posterity (or youtube).
I got the tattoo on a wine cooler infused whim about a month after turning 18. I was visiting a friend in Houston (actually I was a wing man for a friend who was getting a long distance booty call) and it came up that I had always wanted to get one - after a four pack of Fuzzy Navels it sounded like a brilliant idea. So we went to a shop on Westheimer (spell check doesn't like that one) and I picked a design off the wall and got it done. I put it on my hip so it would be easily hidden and laughed as I chatted up a stripper named Candy who was watching the Portuguese tattoo artist (no english spoken except "I'm going to pull your pants down further") go to work on me.
Because of it's location most of the time I forget that it is there, after the initial healing I forgot about it most of the time. Once I almost got busted by my little brother in the pool at home because it was peeking out over my bikini bottom but I played it off as a fake.
One spring break, a few years after the tattoo was done, I went home and my mom and I made plans to fly to Tampa to visit my grandfather. When we got to the airport the agent offered us a first class upgrade, a voucher, and a night in Chicago, if we would give up our seats. Well of course we did and then we were off to Chicago - luggage free. Well, we got to the hotel around midnight and showered and headed to bed. Being luggage free I got done showering and dashed across the hotel room partially covered by a towel. Not really thinking.
Mom "Is that a tattoo?"
Me "Noooooooo" (slam the light switch off and fling myself at my bed)
Mom "It is isn't it?"
*silence*
Mom "A tattoo, I can't believe it"
Me "Night"
*silence*
Mom *sigh*
And I still haven't lived it down. Every time my brothers do something wrong and mom starts in on them their response is generally "Well, at least I don't have a tattoo"... and the focus turns to me.
Family dinner on Wednesday -- we will see what she says. Probably should have someone record it for posterity (or youtube).
Flip flop season
I declared the opening of flip flop season a week or so ago. Even got my toes done the day of declaration in preparation for it. So I don't care if it is 52 degrees out. I'm wearing my flops.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Finally...
one item off the Bucket List. I have been wanting FOREVER (seriously ten years) to get another tattoo. It has been years of planning and deciding and hemming and hawing (and the ex really didn't want me to get one, so that put it on hold for a lot longer)... I finally did it.
The manfolk took me yesterday to my favorite local biker bar and ink shop. Dennis met us up there to get his touched up (he got his done there about 18 months ago) and I got it done.
Sigh.
Love it and it feels good that I finally did it and my manfolk made for an excellent photographer (and cheering section).
Can't wait until mom finds out. Can't really hide this one.
The manfolk took me yesterday to my favorite local biker bar and ink shop. Dennis met us up there to get his touched up (he got his done there about 18 months ago) and I got it done.
Sigh.
Love it and it feels good that I finally did it and my manfolk made for an excellent photographer (and cheering section).
Can't wait until mom finds out. Can't really hide this one.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Regrets
The goal is to never have them. That is what I strive for. But perhaps you just can't get away from it sometimes. Mistakes are one thing, regrets are something totally different. You can learn from mistakes but regrets just beat you down.
Looking back I don't have a lot. A few things pop up and I think "I should have done that/not done that/done that sooner/etc", but mostly I just bee bop around knowing that if I hadn't done things the way I did then I wouldn't be where I am now.
And where I am at now is pretty great.
...and I have no idea what brought that rant on, but there you have it.
Looking back I don't have a lot. A few things pop up and I think "I should have done that/not done that/done that sooner/etc", but mostly I just bee bop around knowing that if I hadn't done things the way I did then I wouldn't be where I am now.
And where I am at now is pretty great.
...and I have no idea what brought that rant on, but there you have it.
Goals continued
And I still don't have my goals done...
I find that Dilbert just speaks to me on this topic.
They were only due March 1st - thus far I have had enough going on to make excuses not to have them done yet, but that is rapidly coming to a close.
I find that Dilbert just speaks to me on this topic.
They were only due March 1st - thus far I have had enough going on to make excuses not to have them done yet, but that is rapidly coming to a close.
Pet Peeve #1
Onlooker backup
You will never hear me rant as much as when I sit in traffic for an extra 45 minutes because people have to look at something going on on the other side of the road that shouldn't impede their progress in ANY way. I refuse to look. I make a point of it. It makes me bonkers. Not a big fan of traffic to begin with, but when there is absolutely no reason for it it is even worse.
Grrrr
You will never hear me rant as much as when I sit in traffic for an extra 45 minutes because people have to look at something going on on the other side of the road that shouldn't impede their progress in ANY way. I refuse to look. I make a point of it. It makes me bonkers. Not a big fan of traffic to begin with, but when there is absolutely no reason for it it is even worse.
Grrrr
Monday, March 8, 2010
A case of the Mondays...
"Looks like someone has a case of the Mondays"
I hate that. I heard someone say that in the office this morning at the all staff gathering and had to resist the urge to throw my stapler at her head.
Grrrr
Friday, March 5, 2010
Must... fight... the... urge
I have discovered that I am a runner as far as relationships go. Didn't know it before because I was in one the whole time, but now that I am out and things are different I have learned this about myself. Something goes wrong (wrong = not the way I want or requiring too much from me emotionally) and I would rather just bolt and move on than fight it out.
Could be dangerous if I don't get a hold of it.
Been working on patience -- this is part of it.
It had better be worth it because it would definitely be easier to bail and go put my toes in the sand* and grab a cold beer and move on.
*I have a passion for the beach. When I first moved into my apartment I said that all it was missing was the beach. So a really good friend of mine came over with a beach the next day and installed it on my patio. I have good people in my life.
Could be dangerous if I don't get a hold of it.
Been working on patience -- this is part of it.
It had better be worth it because it would definitely be easier to bail and go put my toes in the sand* and grab a cold beer and move on.
*I have a passion for the beach. When I first moved into my apartment I said that all it was missing was the beach. So a really good friend of mine came over with a beach the next day and installed it on my patio. I have good people in my life.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Workload
It seems that it isn't worth it to complete a project around here. Once I get near the finish line on one, two more pop up. So they will either never end or keep reproducing until I am working 17 hour days.
Sigh.
At least I like my job. If not I would be living in a Dilbert cartoon.
Sigh.
At least I like my job. If not I would be living in a Dilbert cartoon.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Goals
Everyone has goals. I have a TON of goals... but when I am forced to document measurable and specific yearly goals in a work setting it is entirely difficult for me to get motivated.
So I do this instead.
And check my Happy Island on Facebook.
*sigh*
Sometimes I think that the writers of Dilbert are secretly watching my office.
So I do this instead.
And check my Happy Island on Facebook.
*sigh*
Sometimes I think that the writers of Dilbert are secretly watching my office.
Dogs are better than people
Most of the people that I know would agree that dogs are better than people. They love you unconditionally, are always there for you, don't judge and are low maintenance.
Don't get me wrong - some people make their dogs high maintenance. Dress them up, get them pedicures, etc. I don't but...whatever, to each their own. At least those dogs (though they may have no self esteem) are loved.
Let me preempt this with the fact that I have a soft spot for boxers. I have a geriatric one myself that I would do anything for. He has been through everything with me, and I with him. Though sometimes lately I think he might like the manfolk better.
People don't deserve dogs half of the time.
For instance...
I don't understand how someone can go out and get a purebred, AKC registered puppy, spend a bunch of money on it and then ignore it to the point where it doesn't even know its own name a year after coming to live with the family.
After a brief period of softhearted negotiations I was given such a dog from a friend (props to her for knowing that it was the right thing to do) and managed to find a loving family in need of a new addition in short order.
I spent less than 24 hours with this sweetheart and he was entirely lovable (and had more energy than I have ever seen in a dog). He is in desperate need of training but has a good heart and is with a family now that, along with their older boxer, will train and love him unconditionally.
My good deed for the weekend I guess. Makes me sad and happy all at once.
Don't get me wrong - some people make their dogs high maintenance. Dress them up, get them pedicures, etc. I don't but...whatever, to each their own. At least those dogs (though they may have no self esteem) are loved.
Let me preempt this with the fact that I have a soft spot for boxers. I have a geriatric one myself that I would do anything for. He has been through everything with me, and I with him. Though sometimes lately I think he might like the manfolk better.
People don't deserve dogs half of the time.
For instance...
I don't understand how someone can go out and get a purebred, AKC registered puppy, spend a bunch of money on it and then ignore it to the point where it doesn't even know its own name a year after coming to live with the family.
After a brief period of softhearted negotiations I was given such a dog from a friend (props to her for knowing that it was the right thing to do) and managed to find a loving family in need of a new addition in short order.
I spent less than 24 hours with this sweetheart and he was entirely lovable (and had more energy than I have ever seen in a dog). He is in desperate need of training but has a good heart and is with a family now that, along with their older boxer, will train and love him unconditionally.
My good deed for the weekend I guess. Makes me sad and happy all at once.
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