How can you be completely trusting and open with someone who shares loyalty between you and your ex? I don't think it is possible. Just like last week when I needed someone to talk to and couldn't find anyone on 'my' side.
Last night I got a surprise. What surprised me is how much it is bothering me.
Went to dinner with a friend of mine who is a former co-worker married to my previous boss. At the start of the meal she says, "Don't know if you want to hear this but your ex and his woman are coming over tomorrow night". And then the dinner went on.
It bugs me more than I thought it would. When we were together the ex and I tried to share every part of our lives and our friends, so our lives were intertwined for a decade. You can see how that is hard to sort out.
The part that gets me I guess is after all of the spiteful things he said about so many of our friends that he considered 'my people' (this couple included) he is now keeping specific touch with them even though when we were together he would bitch about spending time with them and ask me to make excuses not to. He especially disliked anyone associated with my work (these two included) and my family (who was never good enough).
But I can't really say that to them now can I.
The manfolk thinks I should draw a line in the sand and tell people to chose. It is human nature to pick a side and much easier on the psyche. Would be better than having guarded 'friendships' with people I am supposed to be able to talk to. I can't bring myself to do that, it isn't fair and I am of the opinion that people should choose on their own. And part of me is probably chickenshit to find out that no one would pick me.
How are you able to be completely open with someone who is also loyal to the person that hurt you most in life?
The half friendships are wearing me out. You shouldn't have to always be on guard and careful about what you say.
The person I was out with last night I had thought was a neutral party and had opened up more than I generally do. As soon as she told me about her plan I shut down, not her fault - but it is a trust issue with me. I don't trust a lot of people and divided loyalty is an immediate red flag for me.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Wednesday, August 4, 2010
Pet Peeve #7
(I have more of these peeves than I thought.)
Grown women who call their father "daddy"
Really see it more in women from the south (or from money) and it just sounds stupid and childish.
Grown women who call their father "daddy"
Really see it more in women from the south (or from money) and it just sounds stupid and childish.
How forever feels
Been talking a lot of long term stuff with the manfolk. Getting excited. Marriage, babies, things that didn't used to interest me.
Scares me.
Catch myself trying to push him away even still. Like I am testing him before we make the actual move.
Unfortunately for him I have this need to be completely honest, don't want things going the way they did in my last long term relationship. At times I think I may be too blunt for my own good (and for the good of us).
Guess I do have more chick in me than I care to admit. Now if I can just curb it so he doesn't run off.
Scares me.
Catch myself trying to push him away even still. Like I am testing him before we make the actual move.
Unfortunately for him I have this need to be completely honest, don't want things going the way they did in my last long term relationship. At times I think I may be too blunt for my own good (and for the good of us).
Guess I do have more chick in me than I care to admit. Now if I can just curb it so he doesn't run off.
Tuesday, August 3, 2010
Trust
It takes a lot to earn my trust and not much to lose it.
And if I have a hint of proof I have a tendency to hang on to it and worry about it and don't really know how to get over it.
Or even if I should.
Been hurt before. When I was young (high school ish) I swore I was never getting married or having kids. EVER. To difficult and too open and it was just safer not to.
There was a period of time (years) where I didn't talk to my dad because he cheated on my mom and broke up our family. I would only speak when necessary and usually that involved money to pay for college (or bills that went unpaid). It took years for our relationship to become decent again and I will still probably never forgive him for that.
Accountability often seems lost - people use the excuse of alcohol, sadness, whatever to justify the things that they do to hurt others. I just can't stand by that. Everyone makes bad decisions or decisions they regret, live up to them, move on and don't make excuses.
Men seem to blame their penises for a lot of stuff too (usually coupled with alcohol) which I think is the biggest load of crap ever.
And if I have a hint of proof I have a tendency to hang on to it and worry about it and don't really know how to get over it.
Or even if I should.
Been hurt before. When I was young (high school ish) I swore I was never getting married or having kids. EVER. To difficult and too open and it was just safer not to.
There was a period of time (years) where I didn't talk to my dad because he cheated on my mom and broke up our family. I would only speak when necessary and usually that involved money to pay for college (or bills that went unpaid). It took years for our relationship to become decent again and I will still probably never forgive him for that.
Accountability often seems lost - people use the excuse of alcohol, sadness, whatever to justify the things that they do to hurt others. I just can't stand by that. Everyone makes bad decisions or decisions they regret, live up to them, move on and don't make excuses.
Men seem to blame their penises for a lot of stuff too (usually coupled with alcohol) which I think is the biggest load of crap ever.
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